


Colours Speak Louder Than Words

by BreeTaylor



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, closely follows the timeline of season 3, up until around half way through
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:58:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9958397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreeTaylor/pseuds/BreeTaylor
Summary: "Colour changes the way we see the world, Isak."He never asked for his world to change. He never wanted to be told who to love, who was his 'meant-to-be.' Isak liked his world the way it was, and this whole soulmate bullshit just complicated everything. How long could he run before he'd have to face what the universe had presented him with? How long would he want to?





	1. Good Luck, Isak

**Author's Note:**

> First foray into SKAM fanfiction, so bear with me! Excited to explore the dynamics of the characters in this show, but couldn't resist a soulmate twist. I blame the parallel universes. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!

When Isak was ten his mother sat him down to have an Important Conversation. Isak had never seen his mother so serious, so he’d sat down on the couch with a heavy heart and waited for the worst. When she told him they were talking about colour, Isak pulled a face.

“Mom, I _know_ about colour,” he whined. “The girls at school talk about it all time. They’re obsessed with it.”

She smiled softly, and brushed a hand tenderly through his hair. “Is that so? What do they say?”

“Well, Sara went to Madrid with her family over break and she said that she met her soulmate and now she sees everything different than we do,” Isak explained. “She called it colour, but she says she can’t explain what it is. Just that it’s different.”

“Well she’s got that much right. Colour changes the way you see the world, Isak.” She handed him a book. _Welcome to the World of Colour_ it said, in big blocky letters that varied from light to dark gray. “One day when you look at this book, you’ll see it differently. Every single letter on the cover is a different colour, not just a shade of gray.”

Isak frowned and opened the book. There were squares in rows, each with an unfamiliar word written underneath. Isak scanned the first row. _Red, orange, yellow, green, indigo, violet._ “I don’t understand.”

“It’s a really hard thing to explain,” his mother admitted. “Right now you see the world in something called _grayscale_. But when you grow up you’re going to meet someone very special, and when you do the whole world is going to change. Everything is going to be bright and different, and maybe a little disorienting. You won’t know what everything is, and that’s why I’m giving you this book.”

“Someone special…” Isak frowned. “So Sara really did meet her soulmate?”

“Yes, baby, she did. It’s rare to meet them so young, but definitely not impossible. In smaller towns, people meet their soulmates so young they never remember a world without colour.”

At the time, Isak didn’t give the conversation much weight. He didn’t understand how such a simple thing could change everything. His mother had a tendency to overexaggerate, too. It wasn’t until Jonas started talking about it that summer that Isak realized it really was a big deal. That one day, Isak would meet the girl he was destined to love, and the world would be… different. The way he saw everything would just shift into something new and, if the way Sara talked about it was any indication, something magical.

At seventeen, he still wasn’t sure he liked the idea of the universe telling him who he was supposed to love. The older he got, the more tired he got of this _wonderful_ fucking colour. More and more people came back from holidays, even _parties_ , gushing about how they met _their person_ and how everything was so much better now. Isak didn’t want to need someone else to make things better. Everyone was so enamoured with it, but Isak couldn’t see the big deal. He liked his world the way it was.

Thankfully for him, his friends were relatively indifferent to the whole concept. Sure, they all wanted to meet their soulmates, but only Magnus actively sought his out. He tried to make eye contact with every single girl they passed in hopes of finding her. Thankfully for all of them, he did in their first year of high school. At the time, Isak was relieved to stop hearing about Magnus’ desperation.

Little did he know; the desperation would be replaced with something much worse. Magnus wouldn’t shut up about Vilde and how fucking _great_ she was, and how _wonderful_ colour was. For the whole school year. By the time summer rolled around, Isak was relieved to have a break from it all. He did his best to avoid Magnus and his stories over the summer, not that it was hard considering the amount of time he spent with his tongue down Vilde’s throat.

An entire summer of freedom was fantastic, but it only made returning to school worse. Now Isak couldn’t escape Magnus. Every lunch seemed too be a share-all about the latest and greatest in his relationship, or what Mahdi and Jonas did to whatever girl they took home that weekend. Isak found himself tuning them out most of the time.

Magnus was in the middle of a particularly disgusting retelling of his first attempt at going down on Vilde when Isak started to let his eyes wander around the cafeteria. The idea of going down on a girl wasn’t a pleasant one to begin with, but he felt sick when images of Magnus and Vilde forced their way into his brain. His eyes drifted over to where her and Sana were harassing a new student to join their revue group.

Normally, he wouldn’t have given them a second glance. They were _always_ trying to recruit for their stupid kose-group. Even Magnus wouldn’t join. But the guy they were talking to caught Isak’s eye. He was actually paying attention to what Vilde was saying, looking relatively interested, and smiling at her in a way that made Isak’s heart jump. Fuck, the guy was attractive. Isak hated that his brain recognized that so quickly.

He tried to tear his eyes away, but he was mesmerized. He watched the guy laugh, and swallowed thickly around the growing lump in his throat. He knew he was staring, but he didn’t expect the stranger to notice.

When his eyes shifted to Isak, he tensed. Then something happened.

Everything changed.

Isak saw the guy’s smile falter, his eyes going wide. They were… they weren’t gray anymore. Isak dropped his gaze quickly, his heart pounding in his chest as he realized what the fuck just happened. He tried to steady his breathing before the guys noticed, but everywhere he looked things were different. His jacket was—it was—Isak didn’t have a word for it. All he knew was this was it.

This was colour.

He looked up briefly and saw the guy standing up, looking just as shaken as Isak felt. He felt like he was suffocating, panic rising in his chest knowing that the guy was about a second away from making his way over. He stood abruptly, and his chair crashed to the floor behind him. The guy smiled and took a step forward. He thought Isak was eager to jump into his arms, but _fuck_ he was wrong.

Isak could hear Jonas asking him what was going on, but he couldn’t process anything. He couldn’t think about anything. He muttered a quick, “Gotta go,” before bolting from the cafeteria. He ran all the way home, not daring to glance over his shoulder in fears of finding the guy following him.

He’d seen his soulmate.

His soulmate was a guy.

He was fucking destined to be gay.

Isak felt like he was going to be sick.

* * *

He spent the majority of the night trying not to think about what the fuck had happened. He turned off his phone and tried to avoid his parents as much as possible. Isak was scared they’d be able to tell what happened just by looking at him. He didn’t… he couldn’t tell anyone. The first thing they would ask was who _she_ was. He didn’t want to have to admit that _she_ was a _he_.  


He didn’t even want to admit it to himself. He didn’t even want to _think_ the word gay, never mind come out and call himself that. Sure, girls had never held his interest, but fuck! He’d always figured it was just because they were boring. He wasn’t… it had to be a mistake.

Still, Isak found the book his mother had given him when he was ten and opened it up. He found the colour of the guy’s eyes before he could even really think about what he was doing.

Blue.

But not blue like the sky. They were lighter, with more gray in them.

He spent most of the night looking at pictures of his family, and his friends, and memorizing the colours of everything. He hated to admit that they were right. Things were… it was amazing. Everything was so different and distinct.

He didn’t mean to fall asleep on the book, but he woke up the next morning to his mom gently brushing his hair off his forehead. She was looking down at him so fondly, and Isak was confused for about three seconds before he realized that he’d practically just written I FOUND MY SOULMATE in bold black on his forehead.

“Why didn’t you tell us, baby?” she asked.

Isak shrugged her hand off and slammed the book closed. “Tell you what? There’s nothing to tell.”

“Isak…”

“There’s nothing to tell, mom,” he repeated more firmly. Her eyes were sad as she studied his face, but she didn’t press him any farther. Instead, she left his room and closed the door softly behind herself. Isak sighed, and decided he should probably get ready to go to school. The guys were already going to have questions, it was only going to be worse if he missed a full day.

* * *

“Isak!” Jonas shouted as he approached the group. “What the hell happened to you yesterday, bro?”  


“Nothing,” Isak muttered. “Didn’t feel good.”

“You looked like a deer in headlights,” Mahdi pointed out.

“Yeah, I felt like I was going to puke all over you guys,” Isak shot back, maybe a little too defensively. It did the trick, and they all backed off. The conversation shifted back to discussing a party coming up on Friday night. Partying was pretty much the last thing Isak felt like doing at the moment, and he struggled to stay interested in the conversation. His eyes wandered more than usual, trying to take in all the new colours. Trying to remember each of their names.

Everything was so fucking _bright_.

He caught sight of his—of the guy on the other side of the courtyard and felt his heart stop. Luckily Isak had noticed him first. He wanted to look away, to run, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was even more stunning now that they were outside and the sun was hitting his face and there were _colours_.

It wasn’t long before the guy’s eyes found Isak. The corner of his lips turned down in a frown, and Isak tried not to let his eyes linger on them. He forced himself to look up just in time to see the guy raise his eyebrows. Isak promptly adverted his gaze.

“I gotta go,” he muttered, but Jonas caught his arm before he could walk away.

“Bro. There’s still like twenty minutes before class. What the fuck?”

“You know my locker, man,” Isak said quickly, eyes darting over to the guy. He’d noticed that Isak was trying to leave and had started moving in their direction with determination. Isak ripped his arm from Jonas’ grip. “Plus, I gotta as my bio teacher some questions. I’ll see you guys at lunch.”

He had to force himself not to sprint into the building. Once inside, he completely bypassed his locker and headed straight to class. The last thing he needed was to be cornered in the hallway.

Isak was glad to find the room empty, and settled into his desk in the back row. He passed the time by playing games on his phone and anxiously glancing out the window every thirty seconds. When people finally started flooding in, Isak felt himself relax. Until Sana sat down next to him.

She smiled brightly at him. “Hi.”

“Hi?”

“I’ve got your drugs.”

Isak sputtered, and whipped his head in her direction. “What?”

“The stuff you let at Eva’s place,” Sana said, like it was nothing, “I have it.”

Eva’s party felt so far away at this point. Isak remembered taking Mahdi’s drugs and stashing them in a jar when the police showed up, but he’d figured they’d still be there and he could just go to Eva’s to pick them up. Fucking Sana. He didn’t even realize she’d seen him. “You—you have it?”

“If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s when someone fucks their friends over.”

“What do you mean?”

Sana frowned. “Eva could’ve gotten in a lot of trouble if they found it.”

“She could’ve,” Isak agreed, “but they didn’t find it.”

“They didn’t find it because I took it,” Sana hissed, fire in her eyes.

“Okay, I’m sorry for having left it there, and thank you for taking it,” he said.  “But I need it. It’s not even mine.”

“I should get a reward for saving it from the police.”

Isak scoffed. “Do you think this is a fucking _Narcos_ episode or something? Can’t you just give it to me?”

“I want 10% of the drugs.”

Isak stared at her. “Do you even smoke?”

“No, but’s good to have some,” she shrugged. Before he could agree, she turned with a smirk. “ _And,_ I want you and your friends to join the kose-group.” Isak stared at her, dumbfounded. “Kose-group,” she repeated with a smile, “the best revue group of them all!”

“Okay, whatever,” Isak sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was go to Vilde’s stupid group, but he didn’t exactly have the money to pay Mahdi back, either. “We can join the kose-group. But then you’ve got to give it to me.”

“Yup.”

Isak leveled her with a look, “So… give it to me then.”

“Do you think I’m stupid? You’ll get it when I see you and your friends at the group meeting.”

* * *

Isak spent the majority of the week actively avoiding the guy he was supposed to end up with. He could tell that Jonas was getting suspicious. All of them were. It wasn’t exactly hard to notice how Isak always seemed on edge, or how he kept randomly ditching them when the guy _did_ show up. He knew that he was being ridiculous, too. It wasn’t like Isak could avoid him forever. They were… they were supposed to… fuck, he didn’t even want to say the word to himself.  


There was a part of himself that felt guilty for avoiding him, though. They were ‘destined’ to be together. Isak was acting like an asshole, he knew that. He just… he couldn’t. He couldn’t deal with finding his person and being forced to come out to everyone all at once. It was too much.

When Friday rolled around, Isak was glad to be able to escape the school for a while. After Vilde’s stupid meeting, he was free. And he planned to lock himself in his bedroom and desperately avoid anything involving soulmates.

He showed up a couple minutes before the meeting was due to start and plopped himself down on the lowest row of seats, closest to the exit. Vilde was ecstatic that he showed up, and started asking immediately if they rest of the guys were coming. Isak shrugged. “They were supposed to, but none of them have shown up yet.”

“No?” Sana asked, giving him a look.

“No. I can’t really control what they do, can I?”

He busied himself with his phone as people continued to file in, texting the group and asking them where the fuck they were despite knowing he was just going to get a bunch of half-assed excuses in return. They weren’t coming. He knew that from the second he told them Sana’s deal.

Isak was in the middle of telling them all they were assholes when he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He looked up, and met a familiar set of eyes. His heart stopped. There he fucking was. Isak’s… whatever.

The guy in question smiled, but he didn’t say anything. Even as he made his way over to the seat directly behind Isak, he said nothing. Isak could feel his eyes, and his heart was pounding. This was the closest they’d ever been. He didn’t expect to feel so drawn to the guy. It took everything in him to keep staring at Vilde, even though he couldn’t focus on a word she was saying. He just wanted to turn around and… well, he didn’t know. All Isak knew was that the guy’s presence alone was doing weird things to him.

When Vilde finally wrapped up whatever she was saying and urged everyone to come forward for some sort of stupid team-building exercise, Isak jumped from his seat and fled to the bathroom. He knew Sana wasn’t going to hand over the drugs if he ditched, but he figured he could come up with some excuse for leaving for part of the meeting. There was no way he could deal with being even closer to the guy.

So Isak sat in one of the bathroom stalls and tried to busy himself with a game on his phone. He kept losing, unable to focus. He felt antsy, and nervous, and a little hurt that the guy didn’t even try to talk to him. Which Isak _knew_ was fucking ridiculous, considering he’d been actively avoiding him all week.

After almost fifteen minutes had passed, he decided he couldn’t sit still any longer. With a sigh, he left the stall… and almost walked straight into the guy in question. Isak froze, eyes going wide, and waited for him to say something. He didn’t. Instead, he walked over to the sink and started to wash his hands.

Confused, Isak moved over to the sink and started washing his own. He tried not to stare at the guy, but he couldn’t help it. He had a—he had a fucking joint tucked behind his ear, and he practically oozed confidence. Isak watched with increasing confusion as he moved to the paper towel dispenser and started pulling out towel after towel until it was empty.

By that point, Isak didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was staring. He watched as the guy used the last of the towels to wipe his face, and then his eyes were back on Isak. He raised his eyebrows and, without skipping a beat, asked, “Did you also need tissues?” As if that wasn’t the weirdest thing Isak had ever seen.

He couldn’t even respond. All the words got caught in his throat as he tried to figure out what the fuck was going on. He watched the guy reach down and grab a mostly unused paper towel from the trash, holding it out for him. Isak grabbed it, still too shocked to think about what he was doing. Their fingers brushed, and he felt like he’d been shocked. He stared at the guy, trying to see if he’d felt it too, but his expression remained unchanged.

He smiled, and reached for the joint behind his ear.

“Come outside,” he said. And with that, he left Isak standing alone in the bathroom.

_What the fuck?_

* * *

Isak spent a solid ten minutes in the bathroom trying to figure out what the fuck had happened, and what the fuck he was going to do now that the guy—his… his apparent _soulmate_ —was waiting for him outside. Isak had been avoiding him all week, did he really expect him to come? At first, he was positive there was no way he was meeting this guy.  


The more he thought about it, the more ridiculous that sounded, even to himself. Isak knew they’d have to talk eventually. This may be the most privacy they’d get. So he headed outside, trying to get a hold on his erratic heartbeat. He found the guy sitting on a bench, the joint lit between his lips. Isak approached the bench tentatively, waiting for some sort of outburst. Instead, the guy smiled and held it out to him.

Isak took it numbly, and sat down as far away as he could on the bench. After a moment, he handed it back to him. They sat like that for a while, not saying anything as they passed the joint between them. Then, out of no where, the guy spoke. The sound actually made Isak jump. “So are you ever going to say anything? Are you mute?”

“Mute?” Isak asked, coughing. “No, I’m not mute.”

“Okay, good. I was getting a little worried.” He sounded so casual, and it only made Isak’s confusion grow. Wasn’t he angry, or hurt, or… or _something_? Why was he so relaxed about this? “Do you know the group leader lady?”

“Vilde?” Isak asked, not looking at the guy. “Yeah, you could say I know her.”

“Oh?”

“She’s one of my friends’ soulmates,” Isak blurted without really thinking. Once the words had left his lips, he tensed. He wanted to look up and see what the response was, but he couldn’t move.

“That’s crazy.”

Isak coughed. “Yeah. Crazy.”

“So what class are you in?”

“2STB,” Isak said. “You?”

“3STB.”

Isak frowned. “You didn’t attend Nissen in your first two years?”

“No, I was going to Bakka.”

“I see.”

Isak felt him move closer, and couldn’t help but look up. This close, he could see all the details in the guy’s face. “What’s your name?”

“Isak.”

“Nice to meet you, Isak,” he said, knocking their shoulders together. “I’m Even.”

_Even._ His soulmates name was Even. All at once, Isak felt like this was too much. He stood, putting distance between him and Even. “I—I can’t. I can’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“You fucking know what,” Isak hissed. “I’m not gay.”

“Isak…”

“No. Just… Just stay the fuck away from me,” Isak said. “Don’t tell anyone shit. You’re new here, it’s not you they’ll believe.”

He didn’t look at Even’s face as he passed, storming back into the school to make sure Sana knew he didn’t just ditch. He felt a pang of guilt in his heart. It was an asshole move, Isak knew that. He’d just told his goddamn soulmate to fuck off. But he couldn’t do it. Isak couldn’t deal with it. So he ran away, just like he always did.


	2. You're 18, Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kind comments on the first chapter! I'm glad you're all liking it so far, I'm excited to continue this story. Right now my goal is to upload a chapter every 2-3 days, but fair warning there could be some gaps. I'm in college, at this is the last three weeks of the quarter so I have quite a few papers due and exams to study for. I'll do my best to keep a steady update schedule! 
> 
> Also, I've been fiddling around with the formatting to try and find something that I like and sort of fits the flow that the show has. Let me know if this works, or if it's confusing at all. 
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated <3

**FRIDAY**

**Jonas ✌**

20:32

where are you??

we were supposed to meet at 20:00

not coming.

wtf, why?

not feeling well

and mom is stressed.

lame.

21:02

you sure you’re ok?

you've been weird all week

i’m fine

ok

you know i'm always here bro

 

Isak sighed down at the screen. He felt like a dick for not telling Jonas, he felt like a dick for being so weird all week. He felt like a dick for walking away from Even. Regret had seeped in pretty quick when Even hadn’t come back to the kose-group meeting. Isak realized that he’d just told his goddamn soulmate to fuck off.

He knew he wasn’t ready to come out and tell the whole goddamn world that his soulmate was a guy. That much hadn’t changed. But Isak realized pretty quick that it would’ve made a lot more sense to try and explain it to the guy, rather than threatening him and telling him to go away. He spent most of Saturday morning moping around his room and avoiding his parents with the excuse of having a lot of homework, which was only a partial lie. He _did_ have a lot of homework. He just couldn’t focus long enough to do it.

By Sunday night, he gave up on trying to distract himself and finally typed _Even_ into the Facebook search bar. He wished he had a last name, but there was no way he was texting Vilde for that information. Everyone would know by the end of the hour.

There were hundreds of Evens, but none of them seemed to be the right one. Isak couldn’t say he was surprised, though. Finding someone on Facebook without a last name was about as easy as finding a specific needle in a pile of needles.

 

**MONDAY**

Isak got to school early. He didn’t really think about what he was doing as he walked with determination to the corkboard filled with club sign up sheets. He didn’t even know if he’d _find_ Even’s name on the list—he didn’t bother to sign up and it wasn’t like Vilde did attendance.

He glanced around the hallway, making sure it was abandoned, before scanning the paper. His eyes found Even’s name almost immediately. It was half-way down, written in messy capital letters.

_EVEN BECH NÆSHEIM_

Isak mouthed the name silently, committing it to memory, before heading in the direction of his locker. Half way there, he heard his phone ding.

 

**Cathooker and Friends**

8:31

_Magnus_ looks like isak is awol again

_Jonas_ dude whats going on?

nothing, i forgot to do my homework. gotta get it done before class

_Jonas_ if you weren’t doing homework, what the hell did you spend the entire weekend doing?

_Mahdi_ do you have a girl?

_Magnus_ woah you aren’t ditching us for a girl, are you?

_Magnus_ DID YOU MEET YOUR SOULMATE

_Jonas_ calm the fuck down, he wouldn’t keep that from us

_Jonas_ … right, isak?

no i didn’t fucking ditch you for a girl

i was just busy.

 

He put his phone back in his pocket as he reached the biology classroom. He could hear it dinging with more messages, but he was too tired to deal with their questions. The more time that passed, the worse Isak felt about keeping such a big thing from Jonas. They’d been friends since they were kids. They told each other _everything_.

Isak just didn’t want Jonas looking at him differently after he found out.

He was glad to find the classroom empty, except for the pain-in-the-ass teacher who sat at the front of the room. He didn’t acknowledge her as he settled into his seat at the back and pulled out his laptop.

With shaking hands and a pounding heart, he pulled up Facebook. He typed in Even’s full name and hit search, but it came up empty. None of the suggested people looked anything like Even. Apparently the guy just didn’t have Facebook. _Weird._

Feeling a little desperate, Isak turned to Google. The first result brought him to blog with a video on it titled _Interview with Even Bech Næshiem._ Isak pressed play with little hope, watching as the cameraman introduced his ‘best friend’ Even. He turned the camera around, and Isak’s heart jumped. It was Even, and he was wearing a baseball cap. He was smiling so brightly, and fiddling around with a Barbie doll.

Isak tried to focus on what he was saying—it was something about a video project and… Baz Luhrmann?—but found his mind drifting as he watched Even excitedly explain the project. The only other time Isak could remember seeing him smile that bright was the first time they’d made eye contact. Even had been genuinely happy that Isak was his soulmate. It made him feel even worse.

He was so distracted by what was happening on the screen that he didn’t notice everyone coming into class until Sana sat down next to him. He slammed his laptop closed, and tried to ignore the knowing smile on her face.

“Hey.”

Isak cleared his throat and turned to her. “Do you have my stuff?”

“What stuff?” Sana asked, and Isak frowned.

“What stuff?” he repeated, giving her a look.

Sana smiled. “I thought you said it wasn’t yours.”

“Can you just give it to me?” Isak sighed.

“I didn’t see your friends at the kose-group meeting.”

“I can’t exactly make them attend, though,” he said, exasperated. “Can I?”

Sana shrugged. “Control your hoes is all I’m saying.”

“Sana, I’m not doing this anymore.”

“Neither am I,” she said simply. “Where do you want it?”

Isak fumbled to pull his bag around, relieved that paying Mahdi back wasn’t going to be yet another thing to stress about. He was going to have to explain the 10% thing, sure, but at least he’d be able to hand over most of it. Except Isak’s luck as of late was pretty fucking awful, and they managed to pull the attention of their teacher.

“Sana and Isak,” she said, causing the whole class to turn at look at them. “What are the two of you doing?” Isak sat up with excuses already bouncing around his brain as Sana stuffed the bag into her Hijab. “Sana, what did you put inside your Burka just now?”

Sana pulled a face. “My Burka?”

“Niqab, then.”

The teacher sighed, and Isak saw his opportunity. “Niqab?” he asked. “You don’t know the name of the garment 10% of your students wear? Are you racist?”

“What’s it called then?”

Isak shrugged. “A Hijab.”

“Okay, Hijab. But now you need to be paying attention.” Isak felt the anxiety flood from his shoulders as he turned to Sana with a smile. She rolled her eyes, but he could tell she was relieved too. Isak decided he didn’t mind Sana.

 

**TUESDAY**

**Jonas ✌**

20:45

what’s going on with you, bro?

nothing, why?

because you’ve barely said anything this week. You keep ditching us at lunch, or leaving ridiculously early. Not to mention you look like a fucking kicked puppy half the time.

i'm fine, seriously

just stressed

about what?

school

since when?

just drop it, Jonas.

fine, don’t tell me. but fucking talk to someone cause youre a goddamn misery to be around right now.

22:59

look, dude. I’m not trying to pester you. I just want to know that you’re ok. This isn’t like you.

24:00

I’m fine, seriously.

 

**WEDNESDAY**

Without thinking too much about what he was doing, Isak caught Vilde on her way back from lunch. “Vilde?” he asked, all his confidence melting away when she turned to face him with a confused expression.

“Hi!”

“I, uh,” Isak cleared his throat and stared at the ground. “I was just wondering if there were going to be any more kose-group meetings?”

Her expression shifted immediately, her eyes practically sparkling as she beamed at him. “How incredibly nice that you’re engaging! There isn’t going to be any meetings this week but there’s going to be a party next Friday, and we’ll be doing pre-drinks as a group.” She paused, tilting her head to the side. “Maybe you could host?”

“What, me? Why?”

“Well, my mom’s holding a wine tasting party, Eva’s house is absolutely trashed, and Sana’s parents are Muslim,” she shrugged. “You could host it, though!”

Before Isak had the chance to respond, Jonas and the rest of the guys showed up with confused expressions. He’d ditched them at lunch again with another half-assed excuse. He was running out of reasons to miss lunch or leave early at this point, and he was fairly sure they all knew that it was bullshit, too. Isak watched as Magnus kissed Vilde, embarrassed to find he felt a stab of jealousy. Why couldn’t he have that? Why couldn’t he flaunt his soulmate to the world?

“So,” Jonas said slowly, “what’s up?”

“Isak’s going to be hosting a pregame next Friday, you all should come!” Vilde said happily, and Isak wanted to slap a hand over her mouth. She started talking again, explaining the game plan in more detail, but her words were lost to Isak as he caught sight of Even walking across the courtyard. He looked as good as usual, but when he made eye contact with Isak there was no happiness there. No teasing eyebrow wiggle. No sly smile. He just looked away and made his way over to his friends.

“Hello, earth to Isak?” Mahdi asked, waving a hand in front of his face to get his attention. “Who are you looking at?”

“No one,” Isak said quickly.

“Alright… whatever. Why the hell are you hosting?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Isak shrugged. “Just a pregame.”

“Sure,” Jonas said, his tone implying that there would be more questions later. “You’re still coming to the first-year party on Friday, though, right?”

“Yeah,” Isak nodded. He didn’t particularly want to go, but if he kept avoiding them they were going to hold a fucking intervention. “Yeah, of course.”

“Cool. See you after school?”

Isak nodded again, swallowing thickly as he watched Jonas start to walk away, “Yeah.”

 

**FRIDAY**

Isak couldn’t sleep. For the third day in a row. He was fucking exhausted by this point, but every time he tried to fall asleep his brain went into overdrive. He knew that he had to fix things with Even somehow. It wasn’t fair of him to be such a dick, and it wasn’t like he could avoid Even for the rest of his life. At least, he couldn’t do so while also managing to be happy.

There was no reason for Isak to believe Even wouldn’t understand that he needed time to figure his shit out—to come to terms with the fact that his soulmate was a guy. In the week Isak spent avoiding him before the kose-group meeting, Even hadn’t ever tried to reach out to Jonas or the guys. He’d taken the hint that Isak was freaking out and backed off. Then he’d waited for an opportunity to talk in private, and Isak had blown it because suddenly he was forced to deal with the fact that he _was_ attracted to Even.

But he didn’t know how to fix it; didn’t even know how to _begin_ to fix it. It wasn’t like he could saunter up to Even and just say, “Sorry I’m a dick, can we talk?”

Well, he could. But Isak felt like the guy deserved better than that.

So yet again he found himself lying in his bed, in the dark, with his laptop on his stomach as he watched Mikael’s video of Even for what felt like the hundredth time. He practically had it memorized at this point.

_Who’s your favourite director?_

_Baz Luhrmann._

_Seriously?_

Isak paused the video, and glanced over at the clock on his wall. 1:10. He should be sleeping. But he felt the sudden urge to figure out who the fuck Baz Luhrmann even was—he’d heard Even speak the name more times than he could count, but had no idea who the guy was.

A quick Google search told him that Luhrmann was most famous for his adaption of _Romeo and Juliet_. It had Leonardo DiCaprio and looked like a teenage girl’s wet dream. Far from anything he’d ever willing watch. Yet Isak still found himself opening iTunes and spending way too much money to be justifiable to rent the movie. He didn’t even bother to try to make excuses for the purchase to himself. He just wanted to know what made Even smile.

As Isak watched he realized two things very quickly: 1) it was definitely one of the cheesiest movies he’d ever seen, and 2) it made perfect sense that Even loved it.

Despite knowing how the story would end, Isak found himself shedding a tear for the young lovers. It probably had more to do with the fact he was overtired, stressed, and confused than the actual movie plot, but he still rubbed it away in embarrassment and slammed his laptop shut.

* * *

Isak met Jonas and Mahdi after school let out, as planned. All he wanted to do was go home and sleep, but he’d already promised to go to the fucking first-year party. So he sucked it up and met with them, walking as a group until they split ways to get ready at the bus stop. Isak couldn’t help but smile as they made their way down the street. He hadn’t realized how little time he’d been spending with them, and he missed the easy conversation.

“Your turn to buy the beer, man,” Jonas said, nudging his shoulder. “You still owe me.”

“I can’t even buy beer,” Isak reminded him. “Plus, I got you a six pack a couple weeks ago.”

“Yeah, but you took like half of it. And I gave you like a full six pack for Eva’s party over the summer. So technically you still owe me like 3 beers.”

“Yeah, true that,” Mahdi said.

“True that?” Isak asked. “You weren’t even there!”

“Doesn’t matter, he knows. He gets the bro code.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Alright, alright. I’ll figure it out.” He threw a finger in Jonas’ direction as he headed for the bus stop, occupying himself with trying to figure out who he knew that would buy him beer without asking too many questions. It wasn’t like he was that far off 18, not to mention this was far from his first year drinking.

Isak ended up texting Noora’s old roommate Eskild. He’d bought them all beer and wine a couple times the year before, and Isak was hoping the fact that Noora was no longer in the country wouldn’t mean Eskild would ignore him.

 

**Eskild (Noora)**

15:43

hey Eskild. It’s been a while, but can I ask a favour?

would you be able to buy me some beer?

 

Isak looked up from his phone briefly as the bus arrived, the little bubble that told him Eskild was writing appearing as he did so. He felt his phone buzz as he stepped on the bus, and glanced down at the screen to see what he said.

 

**Eskild (Noora)**

Sorry, can’t. I work until 21

 

Isak sighed and started scrolling through his contacts again. He could ask Eva, or even Vilde, but he really didn’t want to. Eskild didn’t ask questions or bug him, he just got Isak the beer and went on his way. He hovered over Eva’s number, about to give in and text her, when a familiar voice spoke. “Hey.”

Isak looked up, and met Even’s gaze. His heart started beating faster in his chest as he took him in. Even, surprisingly, didn’t look pissed. He was actually smiling at Isak—like he wasn’t the world’s biggest asshole. Isak forced himself to smile through the guilt. “Hey.”

“Are you on your way home?” Even asked casually.

“Yeah. You too?” Even hummed in conformation, and they fell silent. Isak didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to start making things better. His palms were sweating and he kept staring at his phone because every time he looked into Even’s eyes and saw only kindness he felt even shittier about what he’d done. He could feel Even watching him, could feel his body heat from their proximity.

Isak wondered what the chances were they would be on the same bus, at the same time, standing in the same place like they were. If Jonas had teased him any more, Isak would’ve missed the bus. There were so many factors that could’ve led to them missing each other, yet here they were.

“Awesome conversation, though,” Even teased, nudging Isak’s shoulder with his own. Like they were completely fine. Like nothing had happened.

Isak laughed nervously, and finally moved his gaze back to Even’s face. He was smiling so brightly his eyes were barely visible. Isak’s heart jumped at the sight. It was becoming pretty clear Even just wanted to move on, maybe even start fresh. Isak just didn’t know how to communicate that he wanted that, too.

He studied Even’s profile as he stared out the window of the bus, listening as the next stop was announced. Then, without really thinking, he said, “You’re 18, right?” Even raised his eyebrows, and nodded. “Could you possibly buy me some beer?”

“Beer?” Even asked, amusement dancing in his eyes. “I don’t know if I can buy beer for a minor.”

Isak rolled his eyes, “I’m _barely_ a minor. Just a couple more months.”

“Alright, alright,” Even chuckled. “There’s a convenience store close to my house next stop. I’ll get you your beer.”

“Thanks.”

They got off at the next stop, Isak following closely behind Even as they walked a short distance to the convenience store. “Wait outside,” Even said when they got there. “Last thing I need is to be busted for buying alcohol for a minor.”

Isak did as told, standing awkwardly outside, and trying to look like he didn’t just ask his soulmate to do something illegal. He checked his phone, finding nothing. After a couple minutes, Even returned empty handed.

“I managed to forget my ID, I have to go home and get it,” he said sheepishly. “Come with me?”

Even froze, studying Even’s face. Was this him extending an opportunity for them to figure this shit out? Or was he about to ambush him with his parents? Either way, Even didn’t wait for a response. He just started walking away. And, for whatever reason, Isak followed.

* * *

Isak felt awkward as he followed Even into his apartment. He still wasn’t sure if this was going to be a good idea. He really, _really_ wasn’t ready to meet Even’s parents, if they were to be home, and he wasn’t sure he was quite ready to be alone with Even at the moment, either. He knew they needed to talk, but Isak still didn’t know what to say.

Relief coursed through him when Even called out to see if anyone was home and no one responded. If his quiet _awesome_ was anything to go by, he was glad that they were alone, too. Isak followed him farther into his house nervously, trying not too look around too much as he was led to Even’s room.

It fit Even surprisingly well. A lofted bed, posters and art and guitars on his walls. Kind of hipster, very… well, Even. He let himself wander around the small space as Even looked for his ID, taking special notice of the drawings on the cupboard. They were good, and funny, but Isak noticed one thing that made his heart skip: most of them were in black and white, but there were a handful that utilized colours. Isak couldn’t help but smile.

“Did you draw these?”

Even smiled and, for the first time since Isak had seen him, he looked a little nervous. “Yeah.”

“They’re good,” he said, not bothering to hide his smile.

“Thanks.”

“They’re really funny.”

Even paused, the rustling behind him stopping. “You think so?”

“Mhm,” Isak hummed, continuing to study the pictures. Most of them seemed to be little vignettes of daily activities, but the each had a twist that made Isak chuckle softly to himself.

“Here it is,” Even said from behind him.

“Did you find it?” Isak asked, still focused on the drawings.

“No, but,” he looked over to see Even holding up a joint. Isak couldn’t help but smile, even as nervousness churned uneasily in his stomach. He knew they’d have to talk—now was as good a time as ever. Plus, weed would help calm his nerves.

Even led him over to his windowsill, and they sat on opposite sides. Isak looked out the window as Even lit up. He tried to focus on not letting his hands tremble as he took the joint and inhaled until his lungs burned. After another puff, he handed the joint back to Even and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“You know what for,” Isak said, eyes darting to Even’s face just long enough to meet his eyes. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. I shouldn’t have told you to leave me alone.”

“So why did you?”

Isak shifted uncomfortably where he was sitting. “I… Look, I wasn’t kidding when I said I wasn’t gay. Or, I guess I never thought I was—didn’t want to admit I was?” He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “I guess I never imagined my…” he trailed off, biting his lip. Isak felt ridiculous, not being able to say the word, but he didn’t have to.

“Your soulmate,” Even provided, like it was the easiest thing in the world to say.

“Yeah, that. I always just assumed it would be a girl.”

“That’s reasonable,” Even said softly. Isak chanced another glance, and found himself staring at Even’s profile. He allowed himself to stare until he felt the urge to touch, then he looked away. “It’s more common for soulmates to be opposite genders, but it’s not the only way it can happen.”

“I know,” Isak said. “I just… it’s a lot. To find you, and then be expected to come out to everyone all at once… I panicked,” he admitted weakly. “I was scared.”

“Why didn’t you just say that?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m not going to out you, Isak,” Even said firmly. “I don’t care if it takes days, or months, or years. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I didn’t think you would. I just needed time to figure out what was going on.”

“I’ve got an idea,” Even said, and Isak glanced at him curiously. “Why don’t we just start out by being friends? No expectations, nothing. The soulmate thing can be our secret.”

“Yeah?” Isak asked hopefully.

“I just want to get to know you, Isak. I wanna know why the universe thinks we should be together.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Even smiled brightly.

“Yeah. Let’s do it. Friends.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon talking about random bullshit. What music they listened to, what Bakka was like, what Even thought of Nissen so far. Isak was surprised at how comfortable he felt. Talking to Even was so easy, so fucking effortless. He barely noticed how long they’d been sitting in the window, smoking and talking, until Even mentioned they should probably eat something.

He followed Even into his small kitchen, sitting on the counter without feeling the need to ask. He watched as Even prepared cheese toasties, surprised at how easily they joked with one another. Just as Even turned to get beers for them, his phone started dinging annoyingly in his pocket. He ignored it, tapping his beer against Even’s with a smile.

“So, what kind of spices would you like?” Even asked. “Let’s start with Caribbean Jerk BBQ.”

Isak smiled. “Caribbean Jerk sounds… perfect! Go ahead.”

Even smiled, shaking the spice onto their cheese. He picked up the next bottle and read the label. “Chili?”

“Chili—always chili.” Even chuckled and added it to their creation.

“Rosemary?”

“Yeah,” Isak nodded, “lots of rosemary.”

“Lots of Rosemary?”

“A lot, a lot, a lot.”

Even chuckled, “I’ll just load it up.” He put a generous amount of rosemary, pausing to ask, “Even more?”

“Ah, nah,” Isak said, crinkling his nose. “That’s enough.” His phone dinged again, but he ignored it in place of studying Even’s face. He looked so chill. Like the conversation on the bench never even happened. Like they were just good friends.

He held up a spice Isak didn’t recognize. “Pottagaldrar?”

“Uh, yeah?” he joked. His phone dinged again, and Isak pulled it out with a sigh.

 

**Jonas ✌**

18:45

Where are you?

did you get beer?

dude answer me

Isak?? wtf

“Cinnamon?” Even asked, pulling his attention away from the phone. Isak pulled a face, but shrugged.

“Yeah, fuck it.”

“I think it’s going to taste like balls. But there’s no turning back now.”

“No,” Isak said slowly, tapping absentmindedly on the back of his phone. “there’s no turning back now.”

 

**Jonas ✌**

Sorry something came up

I can’t make it tonight

 

“Should we put it in the oven?” Even asked as he put his phone away.

Isak smiled, “Let’s go!”

* * *

The cheese toasties were horrible. Cinnamon did not belong on cheese, not mixed with everything else they piled on. But it was worth it for the look on Even’s face. Isak was tempted to take a picture. To make things even better, he was desperately trying to find the good in their horrid creation.

“You’re crazy, it’s absolutely terrible,” Isak said as he chewed.

“It’s so bad it’s kind of good!” Even laughed.

“No.” Isak shook his head. “It’s so bad it got even worse.”

“You’re the one that wanted all the spices,” Even pointed out.

Isak rolled his eyes. “You can’t have a cheese toasie without lots of cardamom. That’s clearly the issue here.”

“Right, that would fix everything.”

“Cardamom!”

Even threw his head back as he laughed. “The key to tasting good, got it.” Before they could say anything more, the doorbell rang and startled Isak. “Shit,” Even hissed. “I forgot I’d invited people over. You’re more than welcome to stay, though. I’ve got lots of beer.”

Isak tried not to let himself feel disappointed as he watched Even go to get the door. He’d been enjoying hanging out with him, and he was surprisingly sad to know that they had to leave their little bubble and rejoin the world. He listened as voices filled the small apartment, bouncing off the walls. There had to be at least three people.

He stood up as the voices got closer, feeling suddenly awkward about being seated on Even’s floor covered in bread crumbs. Even came back with three people. The shortest girl introduced herself as Elise, the guy as Eskil. Then, Even introduced the last girl.

“This is Sonja. My girlfriend.”

Isak felt his world stop, even as he reached out to politely shake Sonja’s hand. He didn’t understand what was happening. Even couldn’t be serious, could he? He had a _girlfriend_. But they were _soulmates_. He watched with growing discomfort as she pulled Even down and kissed him like there was no one else in the fucking room. Isak couldn’t do it. He grabbed his shit and quickly excused himself, ignoring Even’s calls as he all but bolted from the apartment.

_He didn’t want to keep it between us for me,_ Isak thought bitterly. _He just didn’t want to dump his fucking girlfriend._

Isak wanted nothing to fucking do with him.


	3. You're Bonding Too Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thanks to everyone who's taken the time to leave kudos or comments! They make me smile like an idiot in the middle of my boring classes. (: 
> 
> This is where the story is going to start to get a little bit away from canon, though for now I am still following the structure/timeline from the episodes. 
> 
> As always, feedback is appreciated and thank you all for reading! <3

**SATURDAY**

**Even**

Friday 22:36

This is Even. I got your number off Vilde.

Before you panic, I just told her it was about the Kose-group. She was thrilled we were getting involved.

I’m sorry about what happened. I shouldn’t have blind sighted you like that, I just didn’t know how to bring it up. What are you doing tomorrow, can I please explain?

23:07

Isak, please. Just talk to me.

Saturday 24:01

I have a feeling you’re thinking too much into this. I swear it’s not as bad as you think it is

If you’d just give me a chance to explain shit

1:10

Apparently the universe has a fucked sense of humour.

 

Isak stared at the messages for the umpteenth time. He knew he was being childish, and that all he wanted all week was for Even to give him a chance to explain when he fucked up. But he was hurting, and confused, and needed some time to figure out what he was thinking before he could even try to sit down and talk about it with Even. Isak knew that he’d forgive too easily if he met up with Even.

And fuck, maybe he just wanted to be angry for a little bit.

Plus, he’d told Jonas he’d meet him for kebab, and he really did need to get his fucking homework done this weekend. So he ignored Even’s texts and forced himself to get up and get dressed at 11. He wanted to get out without his mom noticing, but he didn’t even have the chance to try sneaking past her. At quarter past, she knocked lightly on his door and let herself in.

“Going somewhere?” she asked.

“Yeah, Jonas and I are going for kebab.”

“Okay.” He could feel her studying him as he searched his room for his favourite hat. Before long, she spoke up again. “Everything going alright, honey?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You looked pretty upset when you got home yesterday.”

Isak shrugged. “Party that we were supposed to go to got cancelled. I was pretty bummed.”

“Really?” she asked. “’Cause Jonas called a little before you got home yesterday.”

Isak froze. “He what?”

“He said he’s worried about you,” she said softly. “He told me you’ve been avoiding them. Just like you’ve been avoiding us.” She walked over to him, and brushed a hand through his hair. “What’s going on, Isak?”

“Nothing is going on, mom.”

“Did you find your soulmate?” she prodded. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“No, mom, it’s nothing,” Isak said, maybe a little too firmly, as he stepped away from her. He grabbed his phone and wallet and walked straight past her, feeling a stab of guilt in doing so. He shouldn’t be afraid of telling his mother who his soulmate was. But his soulmate wasn’t just a guy, he was a guy with a girlfriend.

* * *

To give Jonas some credit, he refrained from asking Isak what the fuck was wrong with him until almost an hour after they got their kebab. They were both sitting at the skate park, watching as people pulled tricks and ate shit.

“So you going to tell me what’s going on yet?”

Isak sighed. “For the thousandth time, it’s not a big deal. I’m just stressed.”

“Yeah, but why? School is barely in, you can’t possibly have this much homework yet.”

“Look, sorry for ditching. I’ll sort it out, find us something else.”

“Isak,” Jonas sighed, “this isn’t about the fucking party. Yeah, it sucks that you ditched but whatever. We’re more worried about the fact that you’ve been avoiding us for like a week. We can _tell_ there’s something going on, bro.”

“Maybe if you guys would just fucking back off a little bit. I’m fine. Nothing is going on. Case closed.”

“Fine. Case closed.”

 

**MONDAY**

Isak fucking hated his locker. Yeah, maybe it was his partially his fault because he couldn’t be bothered cleaning it, but _still_. Why did they have to be so goddamn _small_? He didn’t have enough fucking hands to try and hold the books he needed _and_ shove the rest of his shit back in _and_ get the door closed. It just wasn’t working.

“Hi Isak!” Vilde said, practically skipping over to him. “Happy Monday!”

“Hi Vilde,” Isak muttered. He thrust his textbooks in her direction. “Hold these?”

“So I was just wondering, do you want to hold the pregame a little earlier on Friday?” she asked tentatively. “I have to send out the invitations.”

“I’m not hosting the pregame.”

Vilde’s face fell. “What, why?”

“Because my parents aren’t going away like I thought they were.”

“But when I was talking to Magnus about it he said that Jonas said your mom was really excited about their cabin trip. He said that she invited Jonas to come over with the guys to keep you company.”

Isak sighed. He really wished his mother liked Jonas less. “Yeah, well, I’m really busy.”

“You’re always busy these days,” Vilde said. “It’s not good for you to isolate yourself from your friends. Social interaction is key to a healthy education. And as the soulmate of one of your best friends, I won’t stand for it anymore. You _will_ host the pregame. Friday, 18:00.”

Isak could do little more than stare as thrust his books back at him and stormed off, head held high and step as bouncy as ever. Isak honestly couldn’t understand how Magnus dealt with all that energy. He wondered if she was always so goddamn peppy and happy.

* * *

Dancing girls. It wasn’t really how Isak expected to spend his afternoon, but if it kept the guys off his back, he’d deal. It wasn’t like they weren’t _good_ , they were. All very talented. But they weren’t there because the girls were talented, they were there because the girls were hot. Isak didn’t really know what apparently made dancer chicks so much hotter than everyone else, but he played along. He stared at their breasts and made comments just like the rest of the guys.

In reality, his mind was far from focused on the girls. He was still trying to figure out why Even wouldn’t have broken up with his girlfriend. Was he disappointed that Isak was a guy, too? Or was it because Isak ran away? How long had they been together? _Why_ were they even together? From his first impression, she looked like an uptight pain in the ass.

He knew that he was probably being a little unfair to Sonja, but so was Even. He was leading her on, even though she wasn’t who he was supposed to end up with. People who chose to enter non-soulmate relationships had an unwritten rule that they’d let the other go if they found their soulmate. It was only fair. It was rare that soulmates didn’t end up together in the end, even if they started out hating each other. That’s just how the world was.

When the girls had finished dancing, Magnus started clapping. “I dunno why you’re so interested, Mags. You’re taken.”

“Yeah, I’m taken. But it doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the beauty in life,” he teased. “I wouldn’t get mad at Vilde for doing the same. Actually, you totally missed it, she full-on made out with Eva at the party on Friday. Best day of my life.”

Isak rolled his eyes, but before he could come up with a response he caught sight of Even. Heading straight for them. Isak’s heartbeat quickened. Was he seriously going to do this _here_? After Isak had specifically said he wasn’t ready to tell everyone yet? He wasn’t that fucking awful was he?

“Hey,” Even said simply, and all the guys turned to stare at him like he’d grown a second head. He threw a hat into Isak’s lap. Specifically the hat he’d been looking for that morning. “You forgot this on Friday.” When he didn’t say anything, Even fidgeted, clearly feeling a little awkward that no one was acknowledging his presence. He raised his eyebrows. “Is it yours?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s mine…” Jonas said, picking said hat up. “Dude, this is definitely mine. I said you could _borrow_ it, not _have_ it.”

“Forgot where?” Mahdi asked, and Isak’s heartbeat got more erratic. He tried to signal Even to keep his mouth shut, hoping the panic was clear in his eyes.

After what felt like forever, he shrugged. “In the cafeteria.” And with that, Even was leaving and Isak felt like he could breathe again.

“Who the hell was that?” Jonas asked.

“Him?” Isak shrugged, avoiding his eyes. “He’s just some nerd from Vilde’s revue group.”

Jonas looked at him quizzically. It was pretty clear he knew there was more to the story, but he didn’t have the chance to ask as Magnus jumped into some story about his and Vilde’s latest adventures into… oh motherfucker. BDSM. Isak did _not_ want to know what kinky shit Magnus was into. Or Vilde for that matter.

 

**FRIDAY**

His house was filled with glowing people. Glowing drunk people, and blacklights. Isak was watching the chaos from the couch as Vilde ambushed each new arrival with an array of neon paints and desperately hoping this wasn’t going to destroy his house, because his mother would probably have a mental breakdown.

Isak definitely didn’t remember agreeing to have the party be neon and blacklight themed, but Vilde had shown up with all the shit adamant that she had discussed it with him, and he didn’t really have the energy to argue. Plus, she was doing all the work for it. All he had to do was put on a black shirt and let her put pink streaks of paint on his face.

He wasn’t sure that Vilde really thought the idea through, considering the majority of their classmates had yet to find their soulmates and didn’t get to _see_ all the neon colours. Most people just showed up in black or white and trusted her to decorate their arms and faces, but it didn’t seem to matter in the end. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Isak payed special attention to make sure he didn’t acknowledge any of the colours. The last thing he needed was for Vilde to suspect he’d met his soulmate.

He’d planted himself on the couch with a beer as the first people arrived, and had been reluctant to move since. A few girls had come to talk to him, but it didn’t take them long to assess his mood and move on. He didn’t blame them. He didn’t really want to be there. He wanted to be in his room. But he couldn’t just leave them all out here unsupervised, they’d destroy the place with his luck. So he stayed put and watched as people arrived while trying not to count down the minutes until they’d all flood out to go to whatever party Vilde had organized that night.

About a half hour into the party, Even walked through his front door. Isak swore under his breath, completely forgetting that he was a part of the kose-group too. He was about to make a run for it when Sonja stepped in behind him. At the sight of her, Isak’s blood ran cold. He was suddenly very annoyed and more than a little pissed off. It was one thing to _have_ a girlfriend, it was another thing to _bring her to his soulmates house_ and flaunt her.

“Is this your soulmate?” he heard Vilde ask.

“No,” Even said, “just my girlfriend, sadly.”

_Sadly._ Yeah, fucking sadly. Isak knew he was glaring at them when Even’s eyes found his through the crowd. Vilde was in the process of putting dots of colour on Sonja’s face, and Even just held Isak’s gaze as he pulled his denim jacket off and slung it over his shoulder. Isak hated that he watched the movement, that he felt the urge to go over and show everyone who Even _actually_ belonged to.

“Hi, Isak!” a girl said as she sat heavily on the couch beside him, pulling his attention. He sort of recognized her, but wasn’t sure from where.

“Um, hi…”

“Emma,” she smiled. “I was the first-year whose party you ditched.”

“Ah,” Isak smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry about that, something came up. I’ll definitely catch the next one, though.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Isak,” she practically purred, scooting closer to him. Isak knew what she wanted, and knew that he wasn’t about to give it to her. But when his eyes instinctively darted back to Even, he could see anger reflected back at him.

_Fucking right you’re jealous_ , Isak thought. He was embarrassed how happy it made him to know Even was getting a taste of his own medicine, and he really just wanted to hit the point home. So he finished off his beer and turned to press his lips firmly against Emma’s. He pulled her close as she moaned and melted into his touch. It wasn’t doing anything for him, but hell if he wasn’t going to pretend it did.

It didn’t take long before Isak felt the couch shift as Even sat down on the other side of the girl. “I think you two are bonding a little too much over here.”

“Um, and you are?” Emma asked, not taking her hands off Isak as she took in Even’s appearance wearily.

“Even.”

“Okay, well, we’re a little busy over here…”

Even raised his eyebrows, and his gaze shifted to Isak. “I can see that. But Isak promised me a dance.”

“He what?” she asked at the same time Isak said, “I did not.”

“Are you… are you _gay_?” she asked, immediately twisting out of his grasp.

“No.”

“Right.” She looked at him, then at Even. Then she stood up rather abruptly. “If you figure your shit out, come find me later.”

“What the fuck, Even?” Isak hissed once he was sure she was gone. “What the hell was that?”

“You weren’t seriously into that, were you?” he questioned. “She was so clingy. I could almost see her tongue from the door.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “It’s none of your business.”

“It kind of is,” Even said, leaning closer so he could whisper in Isak’s ear. “We’re soulmates, remember?”

“Fuck you,” he hissed, shoving him away roughly. “Just leave me the fuck alone, I’m not playing this game with you.”

He didn’t give Even the chance to respond as he stormed off, grabbing another beer as he went to find Emma. Even was right, he wasn’t into her. But she was pretty obviously into him and that was all he needed at the moment. He wanted to show Even how much he didn’t give a fuck that he was with Sonja. If he was going to screw someone who wasn’t his soulmate, Isak could too.

Even if the idea of just kissing Emma made his stomach churn uneasily.

He found her standing in the doorway to the kitchen, and despite the queasy feeling he leaned down close so he could speak directly into her ear, knowing she would feel his breath on her neck. “I’m sorry about that guy. He’s fucking weird.”

“You aren’t going to dance with him? He seemed pretty eager.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “He just likes fucking with me. Look, he’s dancing with his girlfriend over there,” Isak said, pointing Even and Sonja out and ignoring the pang of jealousy he felt at seeing them dancing so closely.

It seemed to be a good enough excuse for Emma. She grabbed his hand, and started tugging him towards the makeshift dancefloor in the center of his living room. She threw her arms around his shoulder, her fingers threading into his hair as they swayed. Isak glanced over her shoulder just in time to see Even bending to kiss Sonja.

Isak let Emma kiss him. It was awkward, and felt all wrong, but it didn’t fucking matter. Because Even was making out happily with his goddamn girlfriend and Isak just wanted him to hurt. He wanted Even to look at him and know that this was _his_ fault. That Isak had started to trust him, started to think _maybe_ this could work, and he’d destroyed that.

He opened his eyes, glancing in Even’s direction, and saw that his eyes were open, too. He was watching Isak make out with Emma as he shoved his tongue down Sonja’s throat. Isak knew he should look away, but he didn’t. He held Even’s eye as he pulled her closer. Fuck him.

* * *

“Isak!” Emma sang, skipping over to him as he started to pick up empty beer cans from the coffee table. “The taxis are here, are you coming?”

“No, I’ll take my bike,” he lied. He had no energy left for a party.

“Oh,” she frowned and looked over her shoulder. “Do you mind if I go? Sonja and I started talking and she’s really cool.”

Isak dismissed her with a wave, too drunk and annoyed to deal with her any longer. “Yeah, go. I’ll be there later.”

She pressed a wet kiss to his cheek before skipping back over to where Sonja and Even were standing. Isak didn’t let himself stare. Didn’t let himself watch as Even threw an arm over Sonja’s shoulders and leaned against her as they left. He kept his gaze down as he picked up as many empty cans as he could carry, and headed for the kitchen just as he heard the front door close and silence fell over the house.

Isak leaned against the counter as he slowly emptied any remaining beer from the cans. His head hurt already, and he was a weird mix of sad and angry. He just wanted to go to bed, but knowing his luck his parents would come home early and he’d get in shit for holding a party while they were gone if he didn’t clean up.

A noise from the doorway startled him, and when he turned around it was to find Even sauntering into the kitchen with an armful of cans. “Hey.”

“Thought you went with the group.”

“I’ve got a bike.”

“You should’ve gone with the group,” Isak muttered.

“We need to talk, Isak.”

“I’ve got nothing to say to you, Even,” he said. “And I don’t really want you here at the moment.”

“Emma seemed nice,” Even said casually. “Seemed to like you.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, she was eager that’s for sure.”

“You don’t like her?”

“Of course I don’t fucking like her!” Isak shouted, crushing the can he was holding. He didn’t look at Even, couldn’t look at him. He just stared into the sink as he let all the anger he’d been feeling out. “How could I possibly like her when I found my—my fucking—my soulmate?!”

“Isak,” Even said softly. Isak heard him step closer, and he tensed but didn’t move away. “Sonja and I have been together since we were kids. Almost four years now.”

“And that makes it better?” Isak asked. “Does she know you see colour now? That you found me?”

“No.”

“Right. How do you think she’s going to feel when she finds out? What if I _told_ her?” he hissed. It was a shitty threat. It was just fucking mean. But Isak couldn’t really bring himself to care.

“Sonja would understand. We knew when we started dating that we weren’t soulmates.”

“So why?” Isak turned to face Even finally, looking him straight in the eye and trying to figure out what the hell was going on in his head. “Why are you still leading her on, still _pretending_?”

“Sonja has always been there for me. It’s not as simple as saying ‘found my soulmate, fuck off,’” Even said. “And I promised you I wouldn’t out you, Isak. She isn’t the kind of person who would just believe me if I said I found my soulmate. She’d want to know who it was. She’d want to meet them.”

“So it’s all my fault?”

“No.” Even sighed, and moved even closer. “I just need you to not hate me. Just for like… two seconds.”

“I don’t hate you,” Isak said without hesitation. “I _can’t_ hate you. But I’m angry with you.”

“I know. But I think I deserve a chance, here. I gave you one.”

Even was standing so close Isak could feel his breath on his forehead. He could smell the beer on Even’s breath, and whatever products he used to get his hair to defy gravity. Without really thinking, he reached his hand up to run his fingers across Even’s cheek. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” Even whispered. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Isak dropped his gaze to the floor. Even looked so sad, and Isak knew that he’d already forgiven him, even if wasn’t sure he wanted to. Even shifted, bending enough that he was eye level with Isak. He looked up, meeting Even’s eyes as his heart pounded in anticipation. Even tilted his head just slightly, his nose brushing against Isak’s cheek as he moved in. Their lips were inches apart. Even was going to kiss him.

Isak wanted to close the tiny space, to find out what it would feel like to kiss someone he was actually attracted to. Instead, he took a step back, shaking his head. “I can’t.”

“Isak…”

“It’s not fair. Sonja is nice,” he said quietly. “She doesn’t deserve this.”

“I know.”

“I think you should leave.”

“I don’t have to leave, we can talk about this,” Even said quickly, stepping into Isak’s space again, blocking him in against the counter. “Please, Isak.”

“No,” he said firmly, pushing Even away with a hand on his chest. “This shit is too complicated right now, I can’t deal with it. If you still want to talk later, fine. But tonight, I want you to go.”

Even looked crushed, but he didn’t argue. He paused, and pressed a kiss to the top of Isak’s head. Then he walked away and Isak was left alone, and feeling more than a little torn about what he was supposed to do.

 


	4. Feel Like Swimming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where we start to diverge from canon a little bit, hopefully you all still enjoy it. (: 
> 
> Fair warning, the next chapter may not be up until Monday. I'm going home this weekend for my little brother's birthday so I don't know how much time I'll have to write.
> 
> As always, thank you for the kind comments and kudos. Feedback is always appreciated <3

**SATURDAY**

**Even**

9:24

I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you.

Can we meet today?

I want to know you know what’s going on.

I don’t want to hurt you anymore

 

Isak stared down at the messages, squinting at the brightness of his screen in the dark of his room. His head hurt. He just wanted to sleep. He didn’t really feel like he had the energy to deal with Even and his excuses for Sonja. Not to mention the amount of homework he hadn’t even looked at since the weekend started.

 

**Even**

11:33

Sorry I can’t. I’ve got a lot of homework I need to get done this weekend, and I already told Jonas I’d meet up with him at some point. I’ll see you at school.

 

Isak dropped his phone onto the bed next to him, and rolled over and went back to sleep. He would deal with homework, and Even, later.

 

**MONDAY**

Isak couldn’t get his fucking locker open. Again. He fucking hated his locker. Why did no one else have this problem? Sure, his locker was a little on they messy side, but it wasn’t like Magnus’ was much better and he never spent five minutes in the morning trying to force it open with cards and desperate punches. Every time it clicked at him he felt his annoyance grow.

“Hey.” Isak looked up to see Even watching him with an amused smile. Isak wondered how long he’d been watching him struggle.

He offered a small smile, telling himself that he needed to stop being angry at Even. It was exhausting. “Hi.”

“How was the rest of your weekend, get your homework done?”

Isak nodded. “Yeah. More or less.”

“Cool,” Even nodded slowly, rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet. “So, you promised we could talk.”

“I did.”

“How does lunch sound to you?”

Isak sighed. “I don’t know, the guys are already mad that I ditched them for Vilde’s pregame on Friday.”

“Isak, please,” Even said, stepping closer. “I think this talk as waited long enough, don’t you?”

Isak saw Jonas heading down the hallway in their direction, so he nodded. “Fine. Lunch.”

“I’ll meet you in the courtyard,” Even said. As he waked away he punched Isak’s locker, making him jump. It sprang right open, like he hadn’t just been struggling with it for nearly ten minutes.

Jonas was obviously trying not to question Even’s appearance as he nodded a hello. “Do anything fun this weekend?”

“Not really, homework mostly,” Isak said. “House was a mess after Vilde’s stupid party, so I had to deal with that before my parents came home.”

“Right.”

“It was boring, you didn’t miss out on anything.”

“No,” Jonas said. “But thanks for inviting us, anyways.”

“I didn’t think you would want to come. You’ve never been interested in Vilde’s revue stuff before.”

Jonas sighed. “Whatever. It’s Magnus’ birthday on Saturday, you’re coming right?”

“Yeah!” Isak said. “Yeah, of course. I will definitely be there.”

“Yeah?” Jonas smiled. “Good. We wanna make sure he has a good time.”

“For sure, I’m in.”

They walked to class together, and Isak felt like for the first time in a while they were more or less okay. He knew Jonas still had his suspicions about what the hell was going on, but there was less tension. It was a relief.

* * *

Isak stood outside the school, waiting impatiently for Even to show up. The guys weren’t happy that he was ditching again. Isak was pretty sure Jonas no longer believed the biology excuse, but he couldn’t really think of anything better. Even finally showed up, five minutes late, and nodded his head in the direction of the theater.

“Shall we?”

Isak nodded, and followed him. He was just glad Even didn’t expect him to have this conversation in the middle of the cafeteria, or somewhere else it was likely he’d run into someone he knew. The theater was deserted, and Even led him to a prop couch tucked away in the back. Isak sat far enough away that he couldn’t feel Even’s body heat.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Sonja,” Even said first. “I should’ve, but to be fair you spent the first week actively avoiding me. I didn’t really have much of a chance.” Isak opened his mouth to argue, and Even slapped a hand over it. “No, let me talk for a bit. I should’ve told you when I brought you over, but you were smiling. I’d never seen you smile, or laugh, and I didn’t want to ruin it. I was selfish. I didn’t know when I’d get to see that again.”

He let go of Isak and shifted uncomfortably on the couch. “I genuinely forgot she was coming over. I never would’ve intentionally sprung that on you, but she has a key. She would’ve just let herself in.”

“She has a key?”

“She’s close with my mother,” Even said. “And Sonja has been one of my best friends for most of my life, Isak. The dating thing happened fairly recently, but we’ve known each other forever. That’s what makes this so… so shit. It’s going to hurt her, even though we both knew we weren’t soulmates. She’s always been there for me, always been a little protective of me, and letting go of all that is going to be hard. But I will do it. I just need you to give me time.”

“Would she… I mean, she wouldn’t be spiteful enough to go around telling everyone once she found out, right?”

“No,” Even responded immediately. “She may be hurt, possibly even jealous, but she isn’t that kind of person. She isn’t just plain mean.”

“Okay.”

“What are you so scared of, Isak?” Even asked quietly. He scooted closer, and Isak tensed, but didn’t move away. “Are you afraid people won’t accept you—accept us?”

“Yes. No—Maybe?” Isak frowned and studied the floor. “I guess I’m just worried they’ll look at me different. You haven’t met the guys. They’re girl crazy. I don’t know what they’ll do when they find out that I’m just… not.”

“They’re your friends,” he responded. “It shouldn’t matter to them.”

“I know that,” Isak said, “and it probably won’t. I just… I need time too, okay?”

“Okay. We can do that.” Even reached up to brush a hand through his hair slowly. Isak leaned into the touch, just barely. “I’ll break it off with Sonja when it feels right, and we’ll take it from there. Sound good?”

Isak nodded. “Sounds chill.”

 

**WEDNESDAY**

**Jonas ✌**

19:36

There’s a party on Friday

Magnus said there’s going to be a lot of hot chicks there

Desperate hot chicks

You down?

sure

really? Sweet! Going to do a pregame at 21:00 at Mahdi’s then head over

cool sounds good

 

 

**FRIDAY**

The guys didn’t even try to hide their surprise when Isak actually showed up to the pregame. “Man, I was starting to think you were a figment of our collective imagination,” Magnus teased as Isak made his way into the house.

“Funny.”

“Honestly though, we’re glad to have you back, bro.”

“Glad to be back,” Isak said. And he was. For the first time since the beginning of the year, he felt like he had his shit together. Things with Even were still weird, the whole situation was weird, but they were better. Isak didn’t feel like the universe was playing some joke on him anymore. He knew that, eventually, he and Even would sort it out.

“I totally failed my math text,” Mahdi said bitterly as he handed Isak a beer. “The teacher is such a dick. I swear we didn’t learn half of what was on that test.”

“Are you sure you didn’t just sleep through it?” Jonas asked.

“Nah, man. I fucking pay attention in that class ‘cause otherwise I’ll have no idea what’s going on. He’s just sadistic.”

“Vilde told me that Sana said Isak is basically a biology prodigy,” Magnus said, and all eyes shifted to Isak.

“She said that?” Isak questioned. That didn’t sound like Sana.

“Yeah, she’s pissed because you’re doing better than her. Apparently she’s always top of the class in biology.”

“Huh.” Isak smiled and took a swig of beer. “Cool.”

“He better be a fucking prodigy with the amount of extra time he puts into that class,” Jonas said. “But that’s cool, dude. Didn’t know you were into biology.”

Isak shrugged. “It’s less boring than the other classes.”

As the conversation shifted to the party they were about to go to, Isak let himself relax. They didn’t give a shit he’d been AWOL. None of them pressed him for answers he wasn’t ready to give yet. They knew something had happened, but they also knew he’d tell them when he was ready. Isak fucking loved his friends, and he didn’t care if that made him lame.

At 23:00 they headed for the party. When they got there it was already in full swing, the music easily heard from outside as people in varying stages of intoxication went in and out. Isak followed the guys in, even as he suddenly felt the urge to turn and run the other way. He missed hanging out with them, but he didn’t really feel like partying. Partying meant pretending.

The party was loud and packed with people Isak didn’t recognize. Magnus said it was a Bakka party, and Isak didn’t really want to know how they got invited—or _if_ they got invited. There was free beer, and that was about all Isak needed to be down.

“Don’t spend the whole night moping in the corner,” Jonas yelled over the music, even as he was being pulled away by some very eager girl. “At least try to have a little fun, yeah?”

Isak nodded, and watched as he turned his attention to the girl. Magnus and Mahdi were long gone already, both with pretty young Bakka girls as well. Isak had gotten his own fair share of advances, but he didn’t have the energy to pretend to be interested, so he turned them all down. He was perfectly content to just observe the chaos and get drunk until they all stumbled home.

“Now, how did you get in here?” a voice asked from behind him. Isak spun, excuses already dancing on the tip of his tongue, when his eyes landed on Even. Even, and Sonja.

“Even, hi.”

“You’re crashing Bakka parties now?” Even asked, leaning close so he didn’t have to yell. The hair on his neck stood on end where he felt Even’s breath on his skin.

“No,” he said defensively. “Are you?”

“I went to Bakka, Isak,” Even reminded him, eyes gleaming in amusement. “I actually know the people hosting the party— _I_ was invited.”

“Oh.”

Even laughed and threw an arm over his shoulders. “C’mon, have a beer with us,” he said, already beginning to tug Isak away from the crowds. Sonja wasn’t far behind, and when Isak met her eyes she looked far from happy. “No one will mess with you if you’re with me!”

He was led to the kitchen, which was relatively empty. Even and Sonja took the two seats at the small kitchen table, so Isak hoisted himself onto the counter. Even handed him another beer, and grabbed one for himself. He offered one to Sonja, who looked offended that he’d even considered giving her it. As Isak was opening his beer, she shifted her gaze to him.

“So, Isak. We haven’t really had the chance to talk much. You’re a second year, right?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s your favourite subject?”

Isak struggled not to sigh at the arbitrary question. How was Even—who had almost _never_ asked a normal question—dating someone so… boring? “Biology.”

“Really? That’s great!” she said with too much pep. She reached across the table to grab Even’s hand, and Isak couldn’t help but frown. “Maybe you could help this one, he’s terrible.”

“Sure,” Isak shrugged. “You’ve graduated, right?”

“Yes, last year.”

“So, Even is a year younger than you?”

Sonja glanced at Even. He was obviously trying to stay nonchalant, but Isak could see some kind of warning in his eyes. When she answered his question, she seemed hesitant. “No, we’re the same age.”

“Oh.”

Even took another long swig of his beer, and Isak noticed Sonja’s grip on his hand tighten. “Why don’t you slow down a bit?”

“Why don’t you stop babysitting me?” Even asked, pulling his hand from her grasp. Isak could basically _feel_ the anger in Sonja’s glare, and it wasn’t even directed at him. Even seemed completely unfazed, raising his eyebrows at her like it was a challenge. “I mean it, stop monitoring me.”

Sonja looked pissed, and Isak was a little ashamed that he felt pleased. She stood up abruptly, face flushed, and excused herself to the bathroom. Isak watched her go, and then turned his gaze back on Even. He didn’t know what to say. Even looked annoyed, maybe even a little embarrassed, and Isak wasn’t sure he wanted to spend the rest of the night with them.

He didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to pretend that he was totally fine conversing with his soulmate’s girlfriend, especially because the more he got to know her the more lackluster she got. He wasn’t angry with Even anymore, and Isak sort of understood why it was so complicated, and he _had_ agreed to give Even time to break up with her, but it didn’t make it easier to watch them be together. It was just a constant reminded of what he didn’t have, and what he _could_ have if he wasn’t so worried about how everyone would react.

“What time is it?” Even asked out of the blue.

“Uh,” Isak pulled his phone from his pocket and checked. “21:21, why?”

“Let’s get out of here,” Even said, finishing off his beer.

“What?”

“This party sucks, let’s just ditch.”

“And go where?”

Even shrugged. “Anywhere.”

He stood up, and moved over to where Isak was sitting. Isak’s eyes went wide as Even stepped between his legs, but a quick glance around the room told him that they were completely alone. “Come on an adventure with me,” Even whispered, their faces inches apart. Isak nodded, and Even stepped away enough that he could get down. He followed Even out of the party, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Shouldn’t you let Sonja know you’re leaving?” Isak asked as they got outside.

“No. We’re leaving so I can get away from her.”

“Right.”

Even turned, bike in hand, and studied him. “Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah,” Isak nodded, trying to stay casual. “Yeah, that’s chill.”

“Good.” Even climbed onto the bike and threw a smile over his shoulder. “Get on.”

Isak climbed onto the back of Even’s bike, just as he had so many time with Jonas’, but it felt different. He grabbed the back of the seat as Even started peddling them away, trying to keep his balance, and his heartbeat was erratic. Even was laughing, and Isak loved the sound of it. He couldn’t help but smile too.

He couldn’t imagine how ridiculous they looked, and he was pretty sure it would’ve been faster to walk, but it didn’t matter. Isak would do anything to keep hearing the sound of Even’s laughter. So he teased, and joked, and judged Even’s ability to steer in a straight line until Even stopped the bike rather abruptly. Isak had to grab onto his shoulder and stand up just to avoid falling over.

“I feel like going for a swim, don’t you?” Even asked, getting off the bike and starting to walk down the driveway of whoever’s house they’d stopped in front of.

Isak stared after him, dumbfounded. “A swim?”

“Yeah?”

Isak was confused. And a little concerned. But there was no way he was just going to sit there and wait for Even to come back. So he got off the bike, letting it fall unceremoniously to the ground, and jogged to catch up with Even.

When he caught up, Even was already struggling with the window that Isak assumed led to the pool. “Who’s house is this?”

“My aunt’s.”

“And she’s cool with us being here?” Isak asked.

“Yeah, of course,” Even smiled. “Don’t worry.”

“Okay… and your aunt is where?”

“On vacation.”

“And why don’t you have a key?”

“Because she’s on vacation?”

Isak shook his head, chuckling. “Yeah, that actually doesn’t answer my question.”

“Isak, relax,” Even said. “Don’t worry.”

Before he could argue farther, the window opened and Even started to climb down. “Coming?”

Isak shrugged, throwing his hands up in defeat, and followed after him. Even though he was almost 90% certain they were breaking and entering at this point. When he turned around, Even was kneeling down next to the water. “It’s nice.”

“Yeah, okay…”

“Okay? What’s with the skepticism?”

Isak shrugged. “It’s a little weird that we’re—”

“Are you afraid of swimming, Isak?”

“Afraid of swimming?” Isak scoffed.

“Yeah, are you afraid of water?”

“Afraid of _water_?”

“Yes, afraid of water,” Even clarified, laughing.

“No, I’m not afraid of _water_ ,” Isak said, shaking his head and taking off his shoes. “That’s ridiculous. It’s just… it’s not _my_ aunt’s house. It’s a little weird to be here.”

“Ah, I see,” Even said as he toed off his own shoes. “So you’re worried about your hair.”

Isak looked at him like he was crazy. “My _hair_?” he questioned. “Does it look like I give a shit about my hair?”

“Not today, no, but normally.”

Isak couldn’t believe him, or the conversation. And Even was standing so close to the edge of the pool. It was too easy, he couldn’t resist giving him a good shove. As expected, Even went flailing into the pool. Isak didn’t expect for him to get pulled along with him.

They both hit the water with a loud _fuck_. Isak surfaced first, treading water in the middle of a stranger’s pool with his soulmate in the middle of the night. After a moment,  Even surfaced too, pushing his hair out of his face as he beamed at Isak. “Were you worried I’d died?”

“So worried,” Isak said, rolling his eyes. “You suck at holding your breath.”

“I do not!”

“You do, too,” Isak laughed.

Even shook his head. “Fuck you, you try it then!”

“Is that a challenge?” he asked. “Are you sure you wanna challenge me? I’m the fucking _champion_ at holding my breath.”

“Yeah, I fucking challenge you. Let’s see what you got.”

“Okay, okay.” Isak took a breath, and dove. Less than a second in he felt the urge to cough, and resurfaced to face a sceptical Even.

“Wow. You never cease to impress,” he deadpanned.

“I got water in my lungs!”

“Uh huh.”

“I did, I swallowed water.”

“Whatever you say.”

“I did!” Isak argued. “Let me do it again, I’ll show you.”

“Fine. We’ll do it together.”

Isak nodded. “Okay, fine. Together.”

“On three—no, on one.”

“Last to surface is the winner.”

“Three, two, one,” Even counted, and they dove in unison. Isak opened his eyes, the chlorine burning a little as he stared at Even. He pulled his shirt down and focused on keeping himself underwater. He was determined to win.

Even reached out after a second, grabbing his throat lightly. Not enough to actually do anything, just enough to shock Isak. He grabbed Even’s hand and pushed himself backwards, questions dancing in his eyes. Even smiled mischievously, and thrust himself forward. Before Isak could really assess what was going on, Even’s lips were brushing against his. It was barely a kiss, barely _anything_ , but it took all his remaining breath and he was forced to resurface.

He couldn’t stop himself from smiling as Even came to the surface, shouting his victories. “What do you mean _yes_?” Isak laughed.

“I won!”

“No, that’s cheating!”

“Are you kidding?”

“That’s definitely cheating.”

Even laughed. “You think there’s rules here?”

“Um, yes?” he joked. Isak couldn’t stop smiling. He felt like he was on fire, felt like he had enough energy for six people. “What were you even thinking? That was so obviously cheating, I can’t believe it. I will not accept losing because of something like that.”

“Fine. Rematch?” Even asked, his smile just as big. Isak agreed, and they both dove under again. The ball was in his court, Isak knew. Even had opened an opportunity. He just had to take it, had to let Even know if he was ready or not.

Isak was ready. He didn’t know for how much, or what would happen next, but he was ready for this. He wasted no time in pushing himself forward, pressing his lips against Even’s just as he had. Neither of them surfaced this time, because neither was surprised. Even kissed him back, and they slowly surfaced together. Once they were above water, their kiss deepened. Isak couldn’t get enough. Even was holding Isak’s face in his hands, not a second of uncertainty as he held Isak close, as he kept kissing him.

Even broke away, but didn’t drop his hands. He just looked at Isak, and smiled so brightly. They moved back together in unison, lips meeting as one of Even’s hands moved to his waist and pulled him closer. Isak was so ready to get lost in him, in the kiss that he’d waited so long to get. But he heard a noise, and when he opened his eyes enough to peer at the edge of the pool, he saw a little girl.

Isak pulled away quickly and they both turned to stare at her. Isak was about to ask Even what was going on when the child yelled for her mother.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Even said, grabbing Isak’s hand and tugging him towards the edge of the pool.

“Even, what the fuck?” Isak shouted as he desperately swam for the edge and hauled himself out. “Who the fuck is she?”

“Yeah, this isn’t my aunt’s house,” Even said as he gathered his clothes and threw them out the window. Isak wanted to laugh, or maybe cry, he wasn’t quite sure. He grabbed his own stuff and chucked it at Even before trying to climb out the window. Even made it look a lot easier than it was.

“Fuck,” he said, “Even!”

He was there almost instantly, pulling Isak through and handing him his stuff. They were both laughing as they ran back towards where they left the bike, Even tugging Isak along by his hand. When they got there, Isak struggled to settle on the back. They wobbled away, leaving the distant sound of shouting behind them.

“Where to?” Even asked.

Isak smiled, even though Even couldn’t see it, and wrapped his arms around Even’s waist. “Anywhere.”


	5. Can I Stay With You Here Forever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this chapter being a little longer than promised! It's a little longer than usual so hopefully that makes up it for a little bit! 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this chapter, I think it was one of my favourites to write so far. I will have the next chapter up by Friday at the latest, hopefully Thursday if my homework load isn't too bad (no promises, it's dead week and I definitely feel dead lol).
> 
> As always, feedback is greatly appreciated. <3

**FRIDAY**

Isak wasn’t sure how they ended up back at his house. He wasn’t quite sure how they made it anywhere. Even was laughing, and he kept twisting around to look at Isak. It was basically a miracle that they didn’t crash, though there were a couple close calls.

“My parents are home,” Isak whispered when Even stopped outside his house.

Even turned to face him and raised his eyebrows. “I was just dropping you off.”

“Can you…” Isak dropped his gaze to the ground, embarrassed. “I want you to stay.”

“You sure?”

Isak nodded. “But we have to be quiet. I don’t want my mum finding out just yet.” Even looked hurt, and that was the exact opposite of what Isak wanted, so he rushed to explain. “I’ve never done this before. I just want to experience it a little before we have to tell everyone and all the questions start, okay?”

“Okay,” Even said, smiling softly. They both dismounted from the bike, and Isak watched Even stash it in one of the bushes on the side of his house. He tried not to laugh as Even struggled with the bike, watching him fondly as he fixed his hair and made his way back to where Isak was standing. He wasted no time in bending down to press a kiss to Isak’s lips.

“This way,” Isak said, leading Even around the side of his house and towards the back door. Even’s hands were on his waist as they walked, and Isak couldn’t resist turning and pulling Even down for another kiss. He felt safe in the dark of the short ally that led to his backyard.

Even clearly appreciated his eagerness, smiling into the kiss and wasting no time in deepening it. He pushed Isak backwards, gently, until his back hit the side of his house. Isak moaned into the kiss, and looped his arms loosely around Even’s neck, tangling his fingers in Even’s hair and tugging gently.

Even pressed closer, hands tightly gripping Isak’s hips and likely leaving bruises. He pulled away, panting hotly against Isak’s lips as he pressed their foreheads together and smiled down at him. Isak didn’t have much time to think before Even was moving again, pressing kisses down his cheek and to his neck. Isak moaned again, and his head fell back against the house with a _thud_. Even started sucking marks into his neck as he pressed a knee between Isak’s legs.

“Even,” Isak panted, weakly pushing at his shoulders, “can we—this isn’t the best place to be doing this.”

Even chuckled, but pulled away nonetheless, leaving Isak a little embarrassed and already missing the contact. “Lead the way,” Even said.

Isak groaned, and started walking towards his back door. He could feel Even behind him, but he wasn’t touching anymore. It took all Isak’s self control to stay facing forward and not give in to the urge to touch. He was just so glad he _could_ touch now.

When he got to the back door, Isak struggled to get the key into the lock. Even was standing close enough that Isak could feel his body heat, but far enough that there was no contact between them. After what felt like forever, the lock turned and Isak had to stop himself from cheering. He turned, and Even leaned down to kiss him again.

“Have to be quiet,” Isak said between kisses. “If my parents wake up they’ll freak.”

“Okay,” Even breathed against his lips. Once again, he stepped back, and motioned for Isak to lead the way. They took off their shoes, leaving them near the back door, and made their way slowly and quietly through the silent house to Isak’s room.

Once inside, Even wasted no time in pressing Isak against the door and resuming what they started outside. Isak’s hands moved back to his hair, tugging gently as Even kissed him roughly. He wanted more, wanted to keep going, but he was also fucking freezing. The heat of his skin was just making the cold wetness of their clothes more obvious.

“We’re going to get pneumonia,” he said into the kiss, still unwilling to pull away.

“Are you trying to get my naked, Isak?” Even teased.

“No,” Isak breathed, “just trying to make sure you don’t blame me for getting sick.”

Even chuckled as he stepped back, letting Isak move to his wardrobe. He pulled out two pairs of sweatpants, two t-shirts, and two hoodies and chucked one set in Even’s direction. He watched as Even placed the clothes on his bed and started tugging his wet t-shirt over his head. The breath caught in Isak’s throat at the sight of Even’s bare chest, and he suddenly felt very self-conscious.

“I’m, uh.” He swallowed around the lump in his throat as he tried not to stare at Even’s half-naked body. “I’ll be right back.”

Isak slipped out of his bedroom, closing the door firmly behind him, and quickly made his way to the bathroom. He tugged off his own wet clothes and stepped into the warm and comfy sweats, all the while trying to calm his pounding heart. Isak knew that everything was happening a little quickly, and that Even still technically had a girlfriend, but he still didn’t want him to go. He wanted to be with Even, wanted to keep him close. Maybe Isak was a little selfish. Maybe that was okay.

When he got back to his room, locking the door firmly behind him, Even was fully dressed and lounging comfortably on his bed. “Everything okay?” he asked. Isak nodded, fidgeting a little where he stood. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do now. It was fine when they were fueled by arousal and want overtook his ability to think clearly, but now? Now Isak wasn’t sure how to act—what was okay.

Even sighed, and climbed off his bed. He moved over to Isak, framing his face with his hands as he leaned down so their eyes were level. “Why are you panicking?”

“Panicking?” Isak asked, “I’m not panicking, what are you talking about?”

Even brushed a hand through his hair tenderly. “I’m not going to force you into anything you don’t want, Isak.”

“I know that.”

“Good. Come cuddle with me?” Even asked, tugging him gently backwards until their legs hit the edge of Isak’s bed. Even kissed him softly, all the urgency from before gone. He pushed Isak down until he was sitting on the bed, never breaking from their kiss. Isak let Even guide him down until his head hit the soft familiarity of his pillow. Even broke away and kissed his forehead, then he flopped down next to him and pulled Isak close to his chest.

Isak listened to his heartbeat, feeling surprisingly content. He draped an arm over Even’s stomach, and hummed happily as Even threaded his fingers through his hair. He thought he’d have a hard time falling asleep next to someone, especially since that someone was Even, but it took almost no time for drowsiness to overtake him. He fell asleep to the constant rise and fall of Even’s chest, the sound of his heartbeat in his hear, and the feel of his fingers messaging his hair.

 

**SATURDAY**

When Isak woke up, the first thing he saw were Even’s eyes staring back at him. There was a moment of confusion before the previous night’s events came flooding back. Isak couldn’t hold back the small smile as he asked, “Were you watching me sleep?”

“Yes,” Even said, unabashedly. “I didn’t want to wake you up, you looked so peaceful.”

Isak leaned forward, tilting his head up in a silent request. Even seemed to understand what he was asking for, and pressed their lips together briefly. Isak wanted more, but Even pulled back. “Morning breath,” he said.

“Lemme see if my parents are awake,” Isak mumbled tiredly. He didn’t really want to get out of the comfortable warmth of his bed, or Even’s arms, but he wanted kisses, dammit. He opened his door quietly, just a tiny bit, and listened for sounds of life in the house. When he heard none, Isak muttered a quick, “Be right back,” before tiptoeing out of his room and to the kitchen. There was a note on the fridge.

_Gone for groceries, should be back in the early afternoon._

_Love you, mom & dad xx_

Isak glanced at the clock on the microwave. It was only 10, which was far too early to be up in Isak’s opinion, but it also meant that Even didn’t have to leave yet. He stopped by the bathroom to brush his teeth before going back to Even. “They’re out until the early afternoon. Food?”

“Food sounds great,” Even smiled. “Can you cook?”

“I am a great cook.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” he said, climbing out of bed and pressing a kiss to the corner of Isak’s mouth.

“The bathroom is just down the hall, and the kitchen is next to the door we came in last night,” Isak explained. “You can use my toothbrush and stuff.”

“Thanks.” Isak watched him leave, still smiling. He was still a little shocked that everything that had happened actually happened. Isak knew that they still had a lot to deal with—Sonja for starters—but maybe, just for today, they could pretend that they were just like every other soulmate couple. They’d found each other, and now they could be together.

He walked back to the kitchen and started pulling out all the necessary ingredients for omelets. Omelets were his specialty. Even walked into the kitchen as Isak started to chop peppers. He moved over to Isak, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on Isak’s shoulder. “Good morning, beautiful.”

“Good morning.”

“How’s the hangover?”

“Oh please, I was barely drunk last night,” Isak scoffed. “How’s _your_ hangover?”

“Non-existent. I can hold my alcohol quite well.” Isak hummed, throwing the chopped peppers in a bowl before moving onto the onions. Isak didn’t expect to feel this comfortable around Even. He thought that things were going to be awkward, but they weren’t. He was standing in the middle of his kitchen with Even’s arms wrapped around him, and he felt completely comfortable. Happier, even.

“What’re you thinking about?” Even asked.

Isak shrugged. “You.”

“Yeah?” he couldn’t see Even, but he could hear the smile in his voice. “What about me?”

“Just that I was stupid to have pushed you away.”

“I don’t blame you, Isak,” Even said seriously. “It scared me a little, too, you know. We grow up with the ‘norm’ being girl-boy soulmate couples. At first I thought I was maybe imagining it, or that maybe I met someone else’s eyes seconds before yours, but I didn’t. I knew it was you. You were the only one I could focus on, the only person I could focus on. Then you ran away, and I thought you were disappointed.”

“I’m sorry,” Isak said miserably, turning in Even’s arms and wrapping his arms around Even’s neck. “I shouldn’t have ran like that. It just all happened so fast.”

“I know, and I don’t hold it against you,” he smiled, leaning down to brush their noses together. “It’s behind us now. As long as you let me hold you,” he said, tightening his grip around Isak’s waist, “and kiss you,” he continued, pressing their lips together just briefly, “we can make this work.”

“I can do that.”

“Good.” Even kissed him once more, then let go completely. “Now let’s see how good your cooking is, I’m _starving._ ”

Isak’s omelets were a hit. Even ate all of his, and tried to steal half of Isak’s with little success. He insisted on doing the dishes because “The cook doesn’t clean, Isak, you should know that.” Once everything was washed and put away, Even pulled Isak into his arms and kissed him lazily. Isak melted into the touch, more than content to spend the day that way, but he knew his parents would be home soon. Even would either have to leave now, or stay until they went to bed.

“My parents will be home soon,” Isak said sadly.

“Would it be suspicious for you to stay cooped up in your room all day?”

Isak shook his head. “Not really. It’s what I’ve done the past couple weekends.”

“In that case…” Even brushed a hand through his curls. “Can I stay?”

“I would like that,” Isak said, smiling back at him.

* * *

Isak could easily spend the rest of his life lazing around with Even. It’d been hours, and all they had done was lay in bed, smoking and cuddling and talking about pointless shit. Isak never thought he’d be into cuddling. He’d had girlfriends before, because that was what you did in high school until you found your soulmate, but he’d _hated_ cuddling with them. He’d always felt so uncomfortable and awkward, but with Even that was all gone. Isak could happily spend the rest of his life in Even’s arms.

He kept kissing Even, just because he could. Because here, in the safety of his bedroom, Isak could let himself indulge. He didn’t shy away from Even, didn’t let himself feel embarrassed for tilting his head back in a silent request. He didn’t overthink the fact that he was half lying on top of Even, just letting himself enjoy the warmth he was radiating.

“I think life’s just like a movie,” Even said out of the blue. “And that you can be the director of your own life. Do you get what I mean?”

“Yeah,” Isak paused, scrunching his nose. “I don’t completely agree though.”

“You don’t agree?”

“Nah. What makes life so interesting is the infinity.”

“What do you mean?” Even asked, absentmindedly rubbing circles into Isak’s back. It was incredibly relaxing, and he couldn’t help but tell Even what he was thinking. He felt too comfortable.

“All the parallel universes that exist alongside ours,” he explained. “Just, like… how _big_ everything is. How insignificant we are, compared to all the parallel universes that could exist. Everything that could happen, will happen—not even just that, though. Not only will it happen, it _is_ happening. Somewhere.” Isak studied Even’s face, looking for a sign that he thought Isak was crazy and finding nothing. “There’s probably, in a parallel universe, an Isak and an Even that are lying in the exact same way as we are right now, in the exact same place. Only, y’know, the curtains are a different colour, or whatever.”

“So, blue curtains then?”

“Yeah.”

Even smiled. “I think that’s enough weed for you.”

“Have you never thought about it?” Isak asked, a little desperately. He knew the theory was pretty common in the scientific community, but he didn’t want Even thinking he was some freak.

“Yeah, I’ve thought about it.” Even shrugged. “But it’s just making me feel so… I don’t know, lonely.”

“But it’s so interesting!”

Even shook his head, smiling. “Nah, I don’t like it.”

“Why not?” Isak pouted.

“I don’t know, it just freaks me out.”

“What? How?”

“It makes me feel so alone. Like, all you’ve got is you, and your head, and all of your thoughts.”

“I don’t think I understand what you mean.”

“Y’know. The whole ‘brain-is-alone’ feeing.”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“There’s only your and your thoughts. You can’t escape them, not until you die,” Even explained. Isak tightened his grip on Even’s waist.

“That’s pretty dark.”

“You’ve never thought about it before?”

“No…”

“Jeez,” Even chuckled, pulling him closer, “I’d forgotten how young you are.”

Before Isak could reply, a knock on his door broke through the happy bubble he’d created with Even. They both turned their attention to it, waiting. “Isak?” his mother asked through the, thankfully, locked door.

“What is it?”

“Are you going to spend all day in there?”

“I’m sleeping,” he shot back.

“Okay…” Isak could hear her outside the door, and waited for whatever else she was going to say. “Whose shoes are beside the back door?”

Isak froze, his heart jumping into his throat. He’d completely forgotten about Even’s shoes. “They’re, um… they’re Jonas’. I borrowed them last night.”

“Okay.” He could tell she didn’t believe him, but he could hear her footsteps retreating nonetheless. Once he was sure she was gone, he fell back against the pillow of Even’s arm and cuddled closer. “She’s so suffocating.”

“I think it’s good she cares.”

“Maybe too much sometimes.” Isak sighed. “I think she knows I’m lying to her.”

“Lying? About me?”

Isak frowned. “Maybe lying isn’t the right word. But she knows I’m not telling her something.”

“I’m sure she’ll understand, when you do tell her. She sounds nice.”

“She is.” Isak bit his lip and traced circles on Even’s stomach. “But she can overreact sometimes. She gets stressed.”

Even pressed a kiss to his forehead, a silent nod of understanding that just made Isak’s heart swell with happiness. Even didn’t try to press him for more information, like Isak was used to people doing. He knew that it wasn’t something Isak really wanted to talk about, at least not yet, and accepted that silently. Without any words having to be said.

He tried not to think too much about what was going to happen come Monday. He knew Even would never force him to go public with their relationship, but Isak didn’t know how _he_ would react anymore. Could he even go back to pretending that Even was just some guy from Vilde’s group? Would he be able to pass Even in the halls without feeling tempted to stop and talk to him, or kiss him?

The buzzing of Even’s phone pulled him from his worries. He felt Even sigh as he pulled the phone from his pocked and turned it off. “Sonja?” Isak asked.

“I’m so fucked.”

“We probably should’ve told her we were leaving,” Isak pointed out again.

“I need to tell her, Isak,” Even said quietly. “I’m not saying that we have to tell everyone—I’m perfectly fine waiting until you’re ready for that—but I need to tell her.”

“Do you think she’ll be angry?”

Even sighed. “I don’t know.”

“Would she get angry enough to tell everyone?”

“No,” Even said quickly. “I wouldn’t let that happen.

“Okay.”

“Can’t I just… stay in here with you forever?” he asked. Isak tilted his head back so he could see Even better. “Can we do that?”

Isak nodded, a small smile playing on his lips that he couldn’t supress. “We can do that.”

He scooted up enough that he could steal a kiss. Even happily reciprocated, pressing a kiss to his forehead, then his cheek, before recapturing Isak’s lips. He smiled into the kiss, and reached up to cup the back of Even’s neck. He didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want the day to end. Isak just wanted to stay in his room, and not have to face the world ever again.

**SUNDAY**

When Isak woke up, he was disappointed to find himself alone in his bed. The side of the bed Even had occupied was cold, meaning he’d been gone for a while. Isak wished he didn’t already miss him. There was a piece of paper on the pillow Even had been using, and Isak couldn’t help but smile as he stared down at a drawing of himself, with a waterdrop in his throat next to another illustration without it.

_The same time in a completely different universe_ was written above the second illustration. And, at the top of the page— _I don’t sleep because it’s the cousin of death. You are hot. ❤_

He checked his phone, but he had no notifications. With a bittersweet sigh, Isak decided it was about time for him to face his parents. He threw on a hoodie and some sweats before exiting his room and bracing himself for the worst.

He found his parents sitting at the kitchen table, reading the paper and drinking coffee. When she noticed his presence, his mom smiled. “We made coffee, if you’d like some.”

He nodded and helped himself to a glass, but could feel his mom’s gaze on him. “What’s up?”

“I ran into your friend Even as he was leaving this morning.”

“Did you?”

“He seems lovely.”

“Yeah, uh,” Isak coughed and rubbed the back of his head. “He was pretty drunk after a party on Friday so I let him stay here. We had to work on stuff for Vilde’s kose-group this weekend anyway, so I figured it was easier.”

“Sure.” She was looking at him like she knew. Like suddenly all his weird behaviour made sense. It was too much for Isak to want to deal with, so he retreated back to his room. The way he saw it, if he ignored that he knew that she knew, she wouldn’t try to talk to him about it. He hoped.

 

**MONDAY**

Isak didn’t know why he was waiting outside Even’s class. He was trying not to think about the fact he’d pathetically asked Sana if she even knew what classes he had. All Isak knew was that he hadn’t heard from Even since Saturday night, and he wanted to make sure they were okay.

And maybe he wanted to see Even again.

He stopped one of the girls leaving the class, saying, “Excuse me, is Even at school today?”

“Even?” She tilted her head to the side, thinking, “Oh, Even! No, I haven’t seen him today.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Isak tried not to let himself feel upset as he walked out to the courtyard, where Jonas and the guys were waiting. As he approached, they were discussing whatever party they’d been to over the weekend and Isak remembered that he’d promised he’d be there. “Fuck, Magnus, it was your birthday!”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry bro,” he said, pulling Magnus in for a quick hug. “Happy belated!” Everyone was watching him, waiting for an explanation. Isak panicked, and said the first thing to come to mind. “I had to go to this stupid, uh, family dinner. It was fucking boring.” The silence stretched on, and Isak felt like he’d royally fucked up. “So, uh, what happened?”

Magnus just shrugged. “Lots. You kinda had to be there.”

“Right…”

 

**WEDNESDAY**

Isak was determined to avoid running laps. His hope was that, if he could keep juggling the soccer ball, the PE teacher wouldn’t notice that he’d yet to do it. Laps were boring as hell. He wasn’t _bad_ at it, per say, but he usually ended up kicking it too far away from himself after a couple kicks. It was beyond frustrating, but it was better than running.

Isak watched his classmates run past him, following them with his eyes until he caught sight of Even, standing in the doorway to the gym. He raised his eyebrows and nodded towards the locker rooms. Isak waisted no time in following him.

“Hi,” he said, stopping in the doorway and trying to calm his erratic heart.

“Hey.”

Isak moved towards him. He was confused, maybe a little angry, but _fuck_. He just wanted to be close to Even again. “Where’ve you been?”

“I…” Even kept avoiding his gaze. “I had to tell Sonja about you. She was, uh… Upset. But we’re over now.” Isak stared at him, trying not to feel so fucking happy. Even had likely just broken Sonja’s heart, but all Isak could think about was that she was out of the picture now. Even was studying him, looking more than a little nervous for reasons Isak couldn’t fathom until he dropped a question Isak wasn’t expecting. “What do you think about that?”

He realized, suddenly, that Even was still expecting Isak to reject him. “It’s awesome.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. But I’m… I mean, if you’re hurting, I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t pressure you into doing it.”

Even was smiling again, so big and so bright that Isak couldn’t help but return it. “I’m not sad!”

“No?” Isak asked.

“No.” Even stepped forward, closing the space between them, and kissed him. Right there in the looker room. Isak couldn’t help but lean into the kiss. Even pulled away too quickly for Isak’s liking, but he didn’t step back. He kept their foreheads pressed together and grabbed Isak’s hand, interlacing their fingers.

“Do you think…” Even started, licking his lips, “What do you think your parents are going to say when you tell them about me?”

“I think they’ll like you. Or, my dad will.”

“And your mom?”

Isak shrugged. “Like I said, my mom’s crazy. Some days she’s great and wants to talk for hours about how amazing it is that we get to meet our soulmates, some days she’s paranoid and thinks that the whole soulmate thing is absolute bullshit and we should avoid it at all costs.”

“Right.”

“It’s not really any of her concern, honestly. I try to keep it all away from her.”

“You don’t talk to her about it, ever?”

“Not really, not if I can avoid it.” Isak sighed, annoyed that his mother was taking over this conversation. He hadn’t seen Even in days, this was the last thing he wanted to discuss. “I think life is too short to try and deal with mentally ill people.”

Even was studying him with an intensity that Isak hadn’t really felt before. He wondered if Even was weirded out that his mom was ill. The last thing Isak wanted to do was scare him off. So he turned that question back on Even. “What do you think your parents will think of me?”

The bell rang, and Isak’s heart jumped knowing they’d have to part ways. Even reached up, cupping his face and gently running his thumb over Isak’s cheekbone. He smiled, and Isak felt himself relax. “They’re going to love you.”

Even leaned in, kissing him deeply. Isak wanted more. He wanted to press Even against the wall and _actually_ kiss him, but he could already hear the sounds of classmates getting ready to leave the gym. So he didn’t complain when Even broke away. He let him leave.

 

**THURSDAY**

Isak couldn’t get Even out of his head. Not that he’d really managed to do that since he’d _found_ Even, but still. Now that he’d gotten a taste of what he could have, he couldn’t stop thinking about how annoying it was he’d barely seen Even all week.

His pillow still smelled like Even, and every time he caught the smell he couldn’t help but smile. Friday and Saturday had been amazing. And to think that was only the start? That they still had the rest of their lives to have more lazy weekends like that? Isak couldn’t help but feel excited.

 

**Even ❤**

17:15

Hey

I’ve been doing homework for hours. I want to rip my hair out at this point.

It was nice seeing you at school yesterday, we should hang out sometime soon.

 

He hoped he didn’t sound desperate, or awkward. He’d never had to deal with actually liking someone before, with actually _wanting_ them to want you back. Isak wasn’t really sure what he was meant to do. All he knew was that he wanted to spend more time with Even, and judging by the lack of contact from Even’s side, he’d have to reach out to get it.

 

**Even ❤**

17:20

Hey. It was nice seeing you, too, but I think things might be moving a little too quickly. It’s my fault, I led you on, but I need time.

Sorry.

 

Isak stared down at the phone, heart clenching as he read the words. Moving _too fast_? Even needed _time_? They were soulmates! Isak was pretty sure Magnus and Vilde fucked in the first 48 hours, and all he and Even had done was cuddle.

Isak didn’t know what he’d done wrong. He didn’t know how to react, or how to fix it. He didn’t know if this was normal, or if maybe he was just so unlikeable even his soulmate wanted nothing to do with him. All Isak knew was that the words hurt. So he didn’t respond.

 

**FRIDAY**

Isak didn’t want to party, but he did want to get drunk. So when Jonas asked him if he was coming to their pregame, he wasted no time in saying yes. Even still hadn’t said any more to him, and it was driving Isak crazy. He wanted to talk to someone, wanted to talk to _Jonas_ , but that would require him to tell Jonas what was going on. And now, more than ever, Isak didn’t want to do that.

So he sat with them and half payed attention to whatever they were saying while trying to get as drunk as possible, as quickly as possible. His plan was to bail on them when they found a party to go to and to just go home and wallow on his own as he had been.

But of course the party was being hosted by Emma. Because Isak knew Emma. So they automatically assumed that meant he could get them in.

“She hates me now,” he pointed out. Not that they were going to listen to him.

“C’mon, you’re sly. You can talk your way into any girl’s pants if you wanted to,” Mahdi said.

“Just get us in, Isak,” Magnus said.

“I’m telling you, it doesn’t _matter_ that I know her. She’s not going to let me in.”

“Let me guess, you’ve got another family dinner to go to?” Mahdi asked sarcastically. “Whatever, it’ll just be us three then. We can get in.”

“You owe me, man!” Magnus pointed out. “You forgot my birthday!”

Isak sighed. Magnus had him there. Not that he’d ever doubted they’d eventually con him into it. It would be their loss, in the end. There was no way in hell Emma was letting him in after he ditched her at Vilde’s party. He’d been actively avoiding her since.

* * *

When they got to Emma’s house, Isak let Mahdi try to handle things. He really didn’t want to deal with the douchebags guarding the door, nor did he actually want to party at Emma’s house. The way things were going, they weren’t getting in. Even with Vilde’s seal of approval, the guys who’d obviously taken the roll of bouncers weren’t budging. Isak was about to suggest finding somewhere else when he caught sight of Even inside.

His heart jumped, and he knew that he had to get in. He had to talk to Even. So he pushed to the front of the group and addressed the dickheads himself. “Look, I know Emma, okay? Just let me in, and I’ll find her. These guys can wait out here.”

“You know her? What’s her last name?”

“Larzen!” Isak snapped. “Now let me in!”

They guys stepped aside, albeit just barely enough for Isak to squeeze by. He pushed his way through the crowd, heart pounding in his chest as his eyes searched for Even. He wanted to see him. He _needed_ to see him. Isak needed to know what he did wrong.

He needed to fix what he broke.

When he reached the living room, he caught sight of Even standing on the other side. Isak froze, itching to go to him, when Emma appeared. “Isak!” she shouted, throwing his arms around his neck. “You came! I’m so glad you came.”

“I’m not staying,” Isak said, struggling out of her grasp.

“You’re not interested in me anymore?” Emma pouted.

“I never was.” Isak knew that it was mean, and Emma was looking at him like he’d just slapped her, but Isak could care less. He just wanted to get to Even. He barely acknowledged her as she stormed off, calling him an asshole. Now that she was gone, he let his focus return to Even.

Even, who was now joined by Sonja.

Even, who was now letting himself be kissed by Sonja.

Even, who was kissing Sonja back.

Isak had to get out of the house. He shoved his way roughly through the crowds of people, ignoring the protests and rude remarks he got in doing so. He could care less if he was pissing people off, Isak felt like he was suffocating. Felt like he was _drowning_ in that house. The cool air of outside offered little relief, but at least he wasn’t watching his soulmate happily making out with what was supposed to be his ex-girlfriend.

“What’s up dude?” Jonas asked as he approached. Isak didn’t want to deal with him. He just wanted to leave.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said, pulling his hood up to hopefully hide his flushed face.

“What?” Jonas asked.

“He’s got a family dinner,” Mahdi answered sarcastically. “Just let him go.”

Isak don’t know what made him snap at Mahdi. Maybe it was the stress of keeping everything going on a secret from everyone he loved. Maybe it was knowing that he wasn’t allowed to be with his soulmate because his soulmate didn’t want him. He didn’t know. One minute he was walking away, and the next he was shoving Mahdi roughly.

“Just fuck off!” Isak shouted. “I’m fucking tired of this.”

“Isak!” Jonas pushed him back, away from Mahdi. He looked furious, and confused. “What the hell is going on with you, man?”

Isak wanted to tell him. He wanted to pour his heart out and let Jonas help him figure out what to do next, but he couldn’t. So he turned his back on his friends, again, and stormed off into the night. For the first couple blocks he felt nothing but anger. He ripped leaves from their tree branches, kicked cans he found in the street into cars, anything destructive. But he exhausted quickly, and the anger faded into anguish.

Isak fell to his knees in the middle of the sidewalk, letting out a sob he’d been holding in for far too long.

What the hell had he done to fuck this up so badly?

 


	6. Talk to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is a day late! I'm doing my best to try and keep this updates as frequent as possible, but I had some difficulties with this chapter. I don't know that I'm 100% pleased with how it turned out, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. The next chapter probably isn't going to be up until Wednesday or Thursday of next week, and I'm terribly sorry for the wait. My exams are on Monday and Tuesday, and I've got a final paper due on Wednesday. But then it's spring break, so I'll likely be able to return to the two-day update schedule!
> 
> As always, feedback is greatly appreciated and thank you all for the support with this story! <3

**MONDAY**

He’d begged his mother to stay home. Used every excuse he could think of, before just flat out begging, but she hadn’t budged. “Unless you’re planning on telling me what’s been going on with you,” she’d said, “forget about it.”

So Isak went to school. He hoped that he wouldn’t run into Even, he normally didn’t, but luck had never really been on Isak’s side. Even was standing in the courtyard with his friends. He didn’t even look a little upset. He was laughing, his cheeks flushed just slightly from the cold. Seeing him fucking _hurt_. Isak didn’t expect it to hurt so much.

He dropped his gaze to the pavement and started walking forward with determination. If Even was going to pretend that nothing happened, that what they had didn’t exist, then _fine_. So would he.

 

**TUESDAY**

**Jonas ✌**

21:38

Just so you know, Mahdi isn’t mad at you. None of us are.

we're just worried, man

we know something is up, but you won’t talk to us about it

let us help

fuck, bro, let me help at least

I don’t know how to explain it yet

I just need time to figure out what’s really going on. I promise I won’t snap like that again, though.

We don’t give a shit that you snapped. We just want our friend back, man.

I’m sorry. I’m working on it.

 

Isak was glad they weren’t angry with him. He’d been avoiding them, again. He just didn’t know how to explain why he was angry without telling them everything, and the thought of doing that was scarier than ever. Because not only was his soulmate a guy, his soulmate was a guy who apparently didn’t want him. Isak had managed to scare off his _soulmate_ in less than a week.

He hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in days, and Isak kept going back to the video of Even he’d found before they’d ever spoken. It hurt to watch now, but he couldn’t stop hitting the replay button. He loved seeing Even’s smile, the excited flush in his cheeks, the glimmer in his eyes. For just a moment, he could pretend that it was all directed at him, like it had been when they were in the pool. For a moment, he could feel like things were okay.

He tried to distract himself with colour. He’d gotten so caught up in the whirlwind of Even that he hadn’t really taken much of a chance to really look around. To appreciate the ‘gift’ of colour in his life. He tried watching movies that were acclaimed for being bright. _Across the Universe_ , _Sunshine on Leith_ , _Moulin Rouge_ , _Disney_ movies. More things by Baz Luhrmann.

Isak wished he could appreciate them more. He could see that they were amazing, that they could only be appreciated fully by the colours the directors utilized, but he could pull no joy from it. He couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to watch them with Even, to see his eyes light up as he excitedly explained different techniques the directors used that Isak had no clue about.

He turned to Instagram, scrolling through his feed and focusing on his friends like he had the first night, when colour was still a brand new and overwhelming thing. He laughed at some of the pictures, times where his friends had obviously left their house without their parents seeing them first. Times were one of them was wearing bright orange, or a pukey green colour. Isak wished he could talk to Magnus about it. About how _amazing_ it was to be able to see the subtle differences in their friends and notice things that you just couldn’t without colour.

He wished things weren’t so fucked up. That he wasn’t such a chicken. That he could just shove his anxieties away and tell them what the hell was going on already.

But he couldn’t.

 

**WEDNESDAY**

Despite Jonas’ promise that they weren’t mad at him, Isak didn’t feel like he could just go back to hanging with them like it was nothing. Not feeling like he did. Isak knew that he was still irritable, and he didn’t doubt he was pretty fucking miserable to be around, either. He couldn’t get Even out of his head, and he didn’t want them asking questions he still didn’t feel ready to answer. So he decided to spend lunch alone.

Isak found himself in line to buy food, despite not really knowing what he wanted to eat—or _if_ he wanted to eat, really. When he got to the front of the line, he panicked and said the first thing that comes to mind. “Do you have any cheese toasties left?”

“I can make one for you,” the girl behind the counter said, going off to do just that. Isak stood awkwardly at the till and waited for the _ding_ of the toaster oven. She placed the toastie on the counter, and Isak struggled to hide his disappointment as she read him his total. It looked incredibly unappetizing.

He thanked her with a smile nonetheless, and turned to leave only to nearly run right into Even. The both froze in the doorway, Isak’s eyes going wide as his heartbeat immediately started to race. He looked Even up and down, licking his lips and trying not to say anything stupid. Even, for what it was worth, looked just as surprised. He even paled a little, Isak noticed with a sick stab of pride.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey.”

Even shifted, and his eyes kept darting down to Isak’s lips. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Even could still look at him like that and then go home and be with Sonja. “No cardamom?”

“Cardamom,” Isak scoffed, unable to hide his annoyance anymore. Even was staring at him, his eyes as blue and fucking captivating as always. Isak suddenly felt a little like he was suffocating.

“Isak…” Even started, and no. Isak wasn’t having any of it. He wasn’t just going to stand there and let Even look at him like he _pitied_ him. So he shoved his way past with a simple, “I gotta go.”

He didn’t stop walking until he’d reached the park a block away from school. He threw the toastie in the garbage, what little appetite he had at the beginning of lunch replaced with a queasy feeling in his stomach. Isak laid down on the grass, not really giving a fuck about what people thought, and stared up at the sky.

For once, it was blue. Like, really blue. There were no clouds blocking it, no gray tinge of a rainy day. In the short time since he’d met Even, the sky had rarely been so blue. And the trees framing his vision were just starting to change colours. It was such a weird thing to see. All his life, they’d always just been shades of gray, just slightly different than one another. Now, he saw a spectrum of colours. The leaves were green, and yellow, and red, and orange, and all sorts of mixes of the colours. It was breathtaking, but all he could think about was the fact that he wanted someone to share it with.

That he was supposed to have someone to share it with.

Isak didn’t leave the park at the end of lunch. He didn’t leave the park when his class was meant to start. He just stayed there, staring up at the sky and the trees.

 

**Jonas  ✌**

13:25

Dude you weren’t in class today, everything okay?

14:13

Isak? What’s going on, man? Vilde said you missed your last class too.

14:47

Isak. Not funny. What the hell happened, where are you?

15:00

sorry. I wasn’t feeling well so I left early.

didn’t realize you’d been texting, didn’t have my phone next to me.

I’m fine.

bullshit you’re fine. I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but it’s obviously getting pretty bad and you need to talk to someone about it.

You missed half a day of school, for fucks sake. don't you think maybe that’s a sign that whatever it is, it’s pretty serious?

Jonas, I’m fine. Just haven’t been sleeping a lot lately.

Yeah. Well, having something on your mind and not talking about it might be the cause of that.

Seriously, man. If not me, then at least go see the school councillor or something.

 

**FRIDAY**

He was going to talk to Jonas.

Isak was up all night, flipping between wanting to talk to him and wanting to wait until he and Even figured their shit out. It took him a long time to realize that he didn’t know how long that would take, and that he needed Jonas to tell him he wasn’t completely crazy _now_. That things would work out _now_. He needed his best friend.

Though deciding he was going to talk to Jonas and, y’know, _actually_ talking to Jonas were two very different things. Isak tried all day to find a time to ask him to talk, but every moment seemed weird. There were too many people, or they had to go to class, or Isak suddenly felt like words were the hardest thing to say in the world.

The end of the day hit a lot faster than he was expecting, and Isak knew that it was now or never. He had to talk to Jonas. It was time he knew what the fuck was going on.

“Hey,” Isak said, approaching him as he was unlocking his bike from the bike stand.

“Hi.”

“Um, are you…” Isak shifted uncomfortably. “Do you have any plans tonight?”

“Not really.” Jonas shrugged. “We were thinking about maybe trying to crash a party later. Why?”

“Could we go get kebab?” he asked. “My treat.”

Jonas smiled. “Yeah, yeah we can do that. I’ll never say no to free food.”

Isak smiled back and tried to get his nerves under control as they started to walk in the direction of the kebab shop. It was just Jonas. He shouldn’t have a reason to be nervous, they’d been telling each other everything since they met. He did his best to nod and smile along with the small talk Jonas was making, but his mind was elsewhere.

Once they’d finally settled on a bench with their kebab, an awkward silence fell over them. Isak knew that this was were he was supposed to talk, but the words kept catching in his throat. “Are you going to tell me what’s been going on?”

“Uh, yeah.” He coughed. “Yeah, I think so.” Isak stabbed his fork into the kebab, not really feeling hungry anymore. “Just between us though, right?”

“Whatever you want, man.”

“Thanks.” He took a deep breath, and focused on his eyes on a particularly colourful storefront across the street. “I, uh. I met my soulmate.”

“You what?” Jonas knocked their shoulders together and when Isak looked at him he was smiling so brightly that it almost made him smile, too. “That’s awesome! When?”

“Yeah. First week of school.”

“Who is it?”

Isak fidgeted. “Guess.”

“Guess?” Jonas asked. “Fine. Is it that chick… fuck, what was her name? Emma?”

“Emma? No! No way.”

“Is it someone I’ve actually met?”

Isak nodded slowly. “Yeah, you’ve met them.”

“I dunno, man. Just tell me.”

“It’s uh. It’s not a girl,” Isak said watching Jonas’ face closely for signs of disappointment, or disgust, or… anything, really. He barely even flinched.

“Is it…” He tilted his head to the side, thinking. “It’s that guy from Vilde’s group, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“What was his name?”

Isak sighed. “Even. His name is Even.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me? Why you’ve been acting so weird? ‘Cause your soulmate is a guy?”

“It was at first, yeah,” Isak admitted. “I didn’t know how to deal with it. I… I avoided him for a while, thought that maybe the universe had fucked up somehow.”

“So that’s why you kept leaving early and ditching at lunch? You were trying to avoid him?”

“Yeah.”

“But you’re not avoiding him anymore?”

Isak shook his head. “We talked about it. Figured our shit out. At least, I thought we did.”

“What happened, Isak?”

“He’s got a girlfriend,” Isak blurted. “He said he was going to break up with her after we… Well, he said he’d break things off. Then something happened and he said things were moving too fast and that he needed time. When we went to Emma’s party I saw him making out with his girlfriend.”

“No wonder you were so pissed off. What the fuck?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do.”

“Did you… How serious did things get?”

Isak shrugged. “On Halloween, when we were at that Bakka party? He was there. That’s why I ditched. He dragged me off to this lady’s house to go swimming and it was… it was fucking great. He ended up spending the night, and we just laid there and talked in my room for all of Saturday. It felt normal, natural. Then I woke up Sunday and he was gone.”

“And that’s the last time you heard from him?”

“No. We talked at school again that Wednesday. Things seemed fine then, too. But then I asked him if he wanted to hang out and got a text back saying things were going too fast. I don’t know what the fuck I did.”

“You should probably talk to him,” Jonas pointed out. “It’s fucked up that he did that to you, but he’s still your soulmate. You can’t just sit back and wait for him to figure his shit out. You’ve gotta demand some answers, man.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll text him.” Isak pulled his phone out of his pocket, but found a slip of paper there with it. Confused, he handed his kebab to Jonas and opened up the folded paper. His heart jumped at the familiar artwork—it was a note from Even.

A drawing of him with a cheese toastie on the left, with a drawing of both of them on the right.

_Cheese toastie with Cardamom_ , and _At the same time in a different place in the universe. A cheese toastie with Cardamom._

“What’s that?”

“It’s from Even.”

“That’s a good sign, right? He’s reaching out to you.”

Isak sighed. “I don’t know, I hope so. Even’s… he’s kind of all over the place sometimes.”

“I think you’ve gotta go for it, man. Now you’ve got an in. He opened a conversation, just continue it. Figure out what’s going on.”

“Yeah.” Isak nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

“And Isak?” Jonas asked. “Don’t shut me out anymore, okay? Don’t try and do this alone, talk to me about this shit.”

“I will.”

 


	7. You Found Your Soulmate?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I wasn't going to post until Friday? HAHAHAHA I am a procrastinator someone send help
> 
> Turns out if you want really quick updates from me you just need to make sure I've got a final exam tomorrow, and a big final paper due tuesday along with another final. ahahahahahaha 
> 
> In all honesty though this has probably been one of the most fun chapters to write, so I hope you like it. We're kind of at the beginning of the end, because this story is going to be sticking to 10 chapters as the season only had 10 episodes. Let me know what you think! Feedback makes the world go 'round. <3

**SUNDAY**

**Even**

21:28

Hey, thanks for the drawing. When’d you manage to put it in my jacket pocket, though?

 

**MONDAY**

**Jonas ✌**

10:34

Vilde found out

Vilde found out what?

About Even

Okay not Even specifically. But she found out you found your soulmate

What? How?

Apparently Emma heard it from someone named Sonja?

fuck

I don’t think she has any immediate plans to tell anyone, especially if you ask her not to. but you know her and magnus. They tell each other everything

ufck okay

thanks for the warning

 

“Everything okay?” Sana asked, staring at him expectantly as she hovered over their latest biology assignment. “You look like you just saw a puppy die.”

“What? Yeah,” Isak scoffed. “I’m fine. The answer is obviously C.”

“C has nothing to do with it, Isak,” she answered slowly. “It’s the only one that doesn’t have anything to do with this. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah I just… I’ll be right back.” He stood quickly and excused himself from the classroom. As he walked through the halls he felt like everyone was looking at him differently. Like they all knew. _Fuck_. Even had promised Sonja wouldn’t tell. And knowing fucking Emma, she’d tell everyone and their moms out of spite.

His hands shook as he pulled out his phone and started to text Vilde. At least he could maybe keep this away from the guys for a little. Until he could figure out what the fuck to do.

 

**Vilde**

10:40

Please don’t tell anyone

So it’s true?! You found your soulmate??

fuck, yes, Vilde. But you can’t tell anyone.

I won’t, I won’t! is it really Even? Like Even from Kose-group?

yes.

That’s so great! You have such a strong chemistry, I could feel it! Why haven’t you told everyone?? Finding your soulmate is fantastic, Isak!

It’s complicated, Vilde.

Not all of us meet our person and have things just fall right into place.

Oh

I forgot… he had a girlfriend, didn’t he?

yeah.

I’m sorry, Isak. I’m sure things will all work out in the end. ❤

right. Just please don’t tell anyone.

I wont! ❤ ❤ ❤

 

Isak tried to compose himself before going back to biology. He couldn’t decide what the fuck he was feeling. Part of him was scared shitless, but he was also _angry._ Angry that Sonja had blabbed, angry that Emma told Vilde and would likely tell everyone else, and mostly angry that Even hadn’t even bothered answering his text.

It wasn’t even like the text was something deep or demanding. He’d kept it casual, figured that they could work up to the big questions Isak had about what the hell was going on. But no. Even couldn’t even give him that. _Fuck_ Even.

Sonja raised an eyebrow when he slid into the seat next to her. “Sorry.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“If you say so.”

 

**TUESDAY**

Isak met Jonas before their afternoon class. He was still a little freaked out about Emma knowing, especially since he was fairly certain word was starting to get around. People were looking at him differently. It was very frustrating, and Isak knew that it was only a matter of time before the rest of the guys found out.

“You should probably just tell them, before they hear it from someone else,” Jonas pointed out as they headed to class. “They aren’t going to think of you any differently, bro.”

“I know. It’s just… weird, y’know?” Isak asked. “It’s one thing to tell them I’ve got a soulmate, but it’s harder to say that my soulmate doesn’t want me.”

“Don’t say shit that isn’t true,” Jonas said quickly. “He’s probably just confused. Maybe something happened at home or something, you don’t know.”

“But I _should_. We’re supposed to be able to trust each other, Jonas. He can’t even be bothered to text me back.”

“I know, but things will sort themselves out. They’ve got to. You’re soulmates.”

“Yeah. Soulmates.”

The guys didn’t really look any different when he walked into the classroom behind Jonas. Isak even had a minute of hope they hadn’t heard about it. Jonas told them about the pre-game Isak promised to host on Friday, and things seemed like they were going to be normal. Mahdi wasn’t angry with him, everyone was down to come on Friday. Things were good.

Then, Magnus said, “I heard the weirdest thing today. Some first year chick was telling her friend that Isak met his soulmate.”

Mahdi frowned. “What?”

“Yeah, they said that Isak was fighting with his soulmate and that’s why you two had a fight.”

“We didn’t even _have_ a fight,” Mahdi sighed. “Plus, Isak would’ve told us if he’d met his soulmate.”

Isak bit his lip and glanced at Jonas for support. He just tilted his head in their direction. Isak sighed, and shifted his weight to his other foot. “Uh, guys?”

“Yeah?”

“I, uh. I did meet my soulmate.”

“What?” Magnus all but shouted. “You _what_?”

“I was going to tell you but things got complicated.”

“Complicated how?” Mahdi asked.

“It’s… Do you remember that guy that came up to us after the dancing chicks left?”

Magnus tilted his head to the side in thought. “The guy with Jonas’ hat?”

“Yeah, him.”

“I sort of remember him, yeah.”

“Well, he’s…” Isak swallowed around the growing lump in his throat and forced the words out. “He’s my soulmate.”

Everyone was silent for a painful moment, and then Magnus flashed a huge smile. “No way! He’s way too attractive for you!”

“What the fuck?”

“I mean, c’mon Isak,” Magnus teased, “you’re cute and everything but he’s like… he’s like a model or some shit.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“Okay, but seriously,” Mahdi interjected, “why’d you keep it from us, Isak? Did you think we’d have an issue because you’re both dudes?”

“No—yes—it’s complicated.” Isak sighed. “At first, yeah. I just needed some time to wrap my own head around it before I started telling people. But then shit got complicated. He’s got a girlfriend, told me things were going too fast. He doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“He’s being a dick,” Jonas added.

Mahdi scoffed. “Sounds like it.”

“Which is why we’re going to keep his mind off it at the pregame on Friday,” Jonas said, nudging Isak with his shoulder.

“Sounds chill to me,” Magnus said, and with that the conversation fell back into pointless school shit and the latest crazy thing that Vilde did. Isak felt a little shell-shocked. He knew that his friends weren’t going to, like, disown him or something, but he still felt like they’d taken things too well.

He felt like an idiot for waiting so long to talk to them.

 

**WEDNESDAY**

“Heard from Even yet?” Jonas asked at lunch. Isak shook his head sadly, aware of the guys watching him curiously. Isak still hadn’t told them the full story—he hadn’t really told Jonas the full story. He was still trying to hide how much everything hurt, because it was embarrassing. His soulmate didn’t want him, and it was embarrassing.

“It’s been four days, I don’t think he’s going to answer.”

“Damn, he’s been curbing you for four days?” Mahdi asked. “That’s a dick move. I’m sorry man.”

Isak shrugged. “Whatever. I’ve managed without him for this long, I can keep surviving without him.”

They all looked at him with pity. Isak wished it wasn’t warranted, but it was. Because there was a big difference between surviving and living. He’d never felt so alive as he had when he was with Even.

 

**THURSDAY**

His locker. Isak’s worst enemy. The bane of his existence. The actual worst part of his day. He just wanted to go home, and not have to struggle with trying to get the goddamn door open. “You could just clean it,” Jonas had mocked. He _had_ cleaned it. Sort of. It wasn’t even that messy! With a sigh, Isak approached the damned thing and prepared for a struggle.

When it opened with no issue, he was more than a little surprised, to say the least. A folded piece of paper flitted to the ground, and Isak’s heart jumped. He knew who it’d be from before he even picked it up, though he was getting increasingly concerned as to how Even was breaking into places to leave him notes.

This one was simple. A drawing of the unanswered text Isak had sent, which apparently Even could only answer in a parallel universe. Isak was starting to regret ever sharing his love of that theory.

_Glad you liked it. Put it there when you had PE. Miss you._

He caught himself smiling, and cursed. He had no fucking reason to smile. _Miss you_? It was Even who was avoiding him! It was _Even_ who wasn’t answering texts or even trying to reach out. It was _Even_ who said he needed more space.

Isak crumpled the paper in his fist and chucked it down the hallway. It wasn’t fucking fair. It wasn’t fair for Even to treat him like nothing then send these stupid notes about _a different time in a different universe_. It wasn’t fucking fair.

 

**FRIDAY**

Isak was surprised at how chill his mom was about letting him have the guys over for a pregame. She’d never been a fan of them going to parties, but he supposed she was just glad to see him socializing again. Either way, she told him that her and his dad wouldn’t be home until after midnight. All he had to do was make sure things got cleaned up before they left.

Now that they all knew about Even, the awkward tension that had been lingering around them was gone. He felt comfortable around his friends, and even though he still wasn’t really in the partying mood, he tried to at least enjoy their presence.

“Everything okay?” Jonas asked as Mahdi and Magnus argued about their Norwegian homework. “Did you hear something from Even?”

“No.” Isak shrugged. “Well, he put a drawing in my locker.”

“A drawing? Again?” Jonas scoffed. “Who does he think he is, anyway?”

“I don’t know. He’s been sort of all over the place since I met him.”

“Are you guys talking about Even?” Magnus asked. “Did you finally kiss and make up?”

“No.”

“Is he still ignoring you?” Mahdi asked.

“No… sort of?” Isak sighed. “I don’t know, it’s complicated as shit.”

“Now, I don’t mean to be rude,” Magnus interjected, “but how?” Jonas gave him a look and chucked an empty can at his head, which Magnus barely managed to dodge. “Seriously, man! I don’t mean to be rude, but he’s still your _soulmate_. The universe obviously thought you belonged together for a reason.”

“Yeah, and things were great when we were together. Or I thought they were.” Isak shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you, man. I don’t know what happened, either. All I know is that not everyone gets to be happy when they meet their soulmates. Just because you and Vilde worked out so well…”

“Isak, seriously?” Mahdi laughed. “Don’t you remember the first couple weeks they were together? Magnus was a mess.”

“I was not!”

“You’d never even made out with anyone, bro. It was embarrassing. Vilde was way out of your league,” Jonas pointed out. “Hell, she still is.”

“You’re all great friends.”

“The point is,” Mahdi said, “it’s never perfect. Sure, your situation is a little more fucked up than Magnus’ was, but his wasn’t perfect either.”

Isak shrugged, having more or less forgot about the long nights of trying to calm Magnus down as he panicked about embarrassing himself in front of Vilde. He’d unintentionally avoided her until she dumped a smoothie on his head and demanded he tell her what was going on. “I guess.”

“Honestly, though, Isak,” Jonas said. “I think you’ve got to put your foot down. You’re kind of letting him walk all over you.”

“I am not.”

“You are. You sit around waiting for him to pull his head out of his ass, letting him lead you along with cute little drawings that only make you more miserable.” Jonas shook his head. “As far as any of us is aware, he’s still with his girlfriend, which is just plain mean.”

“I can’t make him talk to me.”

“Yeah, you can!” Jonas exclaimed. “You’ve gotta show him that you’re done playing games. Just be straight. Tell him, ‘Hey dude, stop what you’re doing’!”

“’Hey dude, stop what you’re doing’...” Isak repeated, looking at him like he was crazy. “Does that really sound like something I’d say?”

“Okay, no, but—” Jonas rolled his eyes. “You’ve gotta do _something_. Okay, what about, ‘Text me—Stop texting me. Call me when you’ve broken up with your girlfriend.’ Keep it straight.”

Mahdi and Magnus agreed, saying something about ultimatums making people see what they really want. Isak was a little worried he wasn’t what Even really wanted, but he pulled his phone out nonetheless.

**Even**

18:40

Hey. Thanks for the drawing, but I’m done playing this game. Call me when you’ve broken up with your girlfriend.

 

“There,” Isak said, chucking his phone onto the table so he wouldn’t be tempted to stare at it and wait for the response. “Sent.”

“Wait, seriously?” Jonas laughed. “Dope, I didn’t think you actually had the balls.”

“Funny.”

“C’mon, cheers!” Jonas said, holding his beer can out. Isak tapped his own can against Jonas’. His heart was racing, but Jonas had been right. It felt good to be honest with Even. He didn’t really expect a response, never mind a quick one. So when Isak’s phone dinged on the table, he actually startled.

**Even**

What are you doing now? Can we talk?

 

“Is it Even?” Mahdi asked.

“Yeah, it’s him,” Isak said slowly. “’What are you doing now? Can we talk?’”

“Hah, I knew that’d work!” Jonas said happily.

“…What do I say now?”

“Call him,” Mahdi said immediately.

“What? No!” Jonas argued. “Definitely _don’t_ call him. Keep casual. Write… ‘Chilling at home.’”

“’Chilling at home’?” Isak asked sceptically. This was a lot more complicated than he was anticipating. He was suddenly glad he’d avoided girls as much as possible.

“Yeah, yeah that’s good,” Mahdi agreed.

Isak started to type. “Chilling at home, just call?”

“Dude, no!” Jonas scolded. “You want him to call, but you don’t want him to _know_ that you want him to call. You know?”

“O…kay,” Isak nodded, deleting the text and starting again. “Chilling at home… smiley?”

Jonas frowned. “No, Isak. No smiley. Just, ‘Chilling at home’ period. Nothing more.”

“Okay, okay.”

**Even**

Chilling at home.

 

He dropped his phone onto the counter again and started at it expectantly, even as everyone excitedly agreed that Even was _definitely_ going to call. Isak wasn’t so sure. He’d never done the predictable thing before, why would he start now? After an awkward minute had passed, Magnus suggested checking to see if Even was typing.

“No, nothing,” Isak said, feeling his heart fall. “He’s not going to answer. That’s just how he is.”

“Maybe he just can’t talk right now?” Mahdi suggested hopefully.

“Maybe.” Isak said, with little conviction. The air was awkward now, and Isak felt a little bad to be the reason behind it. He felt like shit. That moment of hope, of maybe thinking things would finally start to work his way, was gone. Shattered. He couldn’t even focus as Magnus struggled to move on from the subject of Even. He just kept staring at his phone. Waiting, stupidly hoping, that it would ring.

He should’ve never gotten his hopes up. Isak knew that, _knew_ that Even wasn’t going to magically change. But he’d let himself hope, because he’d thought Magnus was right. Soulmates weren’t perfect, but they _were_ supposed to work. Isak didn’t want to be part of the small percentage that didn’t.

His doorbell shocked him out of his thoughts. “Did you invite someone else?” Mahdi asked.

“Nope, you’re the only friends I’ve got,” Isak joked as he moved over to check who was at the door, glad that you could see the entrance from the living room window. His heart stopped when he saw who it was. Isak moved quickly back to the kitchen and stared at his friends in shock. “It’s Even.”

“What?” Jonas asked happily. “Told you it’d work!”

“Do we get to meet Even finally?” Magnus asked.

“Definitely not. You all have to go,” Isak said quickly. “Everyone out. Out, out, out.”

“Dude, c’mon!”

“You can pregame somewhere else, get out,” he said quickly. “Through the back door, let’s go!”

He started chucking them their shoes, trying to stay relatively quiet as he remained painfully aware of who was standing on the other side of the door. Once he had the back door firmly closed behind his friends, he took a second to compose himself. Then, he went to let Even in.

When he opened the door, his heart jumped. He looked as good as always, and that just hurt more when Isak remembered the past weeks. He was wearing too many layers, as always. Burgundy shirt, grey sweater, jean jacket. Isak let his eyes roam for a second, a familiar hunger growing in his stomach, before finally meeting Even’s gaze.

“Hey,” he said, biting his lip. Trying to control the urge to just grab Even and kiss him until all their problems could be forgotten.

“Hey.” Even looked uncomfortable. Maybe even guilty. He couldn’t hold Isak’s gaze for long, and there was a clear question in his eyes. A quiet request for forgiveness that pulled at Isak’s heartstrings. He decided that he was tired. Tired of being mad, tired of resisting Even, tired of trying to stifle everything he was feeling. So Isak reached out and pulled Even down for a kiss.

There was nothing soft about it, nothing gentle. It was desperate, a little angry, but exactly what Isak needed. Words could come later. Right now, he needed to know that Even wanted him. He didn’t resist as Even pushed him backwards, farther into his house. He pushed the jean jacket off Even’s shoulders with one hand, his other busy tugging on Even’s hair. He didn’t protest at all as he was shoved against the wall, moaning into the kiss.

He shoved Even away long enough to tug his own flannel and hat off, watching as Even got the hint and _finally_ removed his sweater. Isak pulled Even down again, kissing him deeply and reveling in the feel of Even’s fingers dancing along the hem of his T-shirt. His fingers clenched in Even’s hair, a moan escaping his lips as Even’s hands dipped under his shirt, running up his bare chest and tugging the material up with them too slowly.

He pushed Even away again, ripping the shirt over his head. Even wasted no time in doing the same to his own. In seconds, Isak had his fingers back in Even’s hair. He hadn’t really thought about how much he loved the feel of Even’s hair before, but fuck if he couldn’t get enough of it now. Even crashed their lips together again, but broke away too fast. Before Isak could complain, he began to press open mouthed kisses down his neck, down his chest.

Isak stared down at Even, eyes glazed with lust as the taller boy dropped to his knees. He gripped Isak’s hips tightly, glancing up through his eyelashes. Isak got lost in the view. Even’s cheeks were flushed pink, his lips red and starting to swell a little, and his eyes. Fuck, his pupils were blown with lust, the beautiful blue barely even visible anymore. There was a question in his eyes, a silent request for consent that Isak was too happy to give.

* * *

Isak still wasn’t sure how they made it to his bedroom. He was curled against Even’s side, face pressed against his bare chest. Even had an arm loosely wrapped around his shoulder, his thumb rubbing gentle circles into the skin. Isak felt like it’d be the easiest thing in the world to just fall asleep, but he knew that they needed to talk. He also knew that his parents would be home soon and that their clothes were currently strewn all around the entryway leading to his bedroom.

He shifted, trying to get up, and Even’s grip just tightened. “Gotta go get our clothes,” Isak mumbled against his skin. “Parents are going to be home soon. Would rather not give them a heart attack.”

Even chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before sliding off the bed. “I’ll go get them.” Isak didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was staring as he watched Even’s retreating figure. He still felt pretty damn blissful, and he wanted to enjoy that before reality set back in.

Even returned quickly, their clothes in a bundle in his arms. Which he unceremoniously dumped onto Isak’s floor before climbing back into bed. Isak wasted no time in resuming their previous position, snuggling closer against Even and humming happily. “You actually showed up.”

“You thought I wouldn’t?”

“I was fairly confident you wouldn’t,” Isak said plainly. “You’ve been avoiding me for the past couple of weeks.”

“About that…”

“You went back to Sonja,” Isak interrupted, suddenly feeling like he really needed to get everything off his chest. “You went from talking about wanting to meet my parents, to saying things were moving too fast. Then the next thing I know you’re at a party making out with your girlfriend. Then you ignore my messages and respond days later with drawings—I don’t understand what the fuck happened, Even.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, pushing Isak’s hair off his forehead and pressing a kiss there. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You—you didn’t _mean_ to hurt me?” Isak asked, pushing himself off Even and into a sitting position, staring down at him in disbelief. “What _did_ you mean to do, Even? What did you _think_ was going to happen?”

“I _wasn’t_ thinking,” Even responded, sitting up too but rightfully not trying to touch Isak. “Shit got complicated, Isak. Sonja went a little crazy when I broke things off with her—I needed time to fix it.”

“And in order to do that you had to leave me completely in the dark?” he scoffed. “Did you not think about what that would imply? Fuck, I thought you just decided you didn’t want me—that I wasn’t good enough.”

“Baby, no,” Even cooed, scooting closer and gently grabbing Isak’s face, forcing him to make eye contact.  “Of _course_ I want you. I’ve never wanted anyone this badly in my life. I just don’t want her dragging you into her drama.”

“You could’ve explained that,” he pouted. “You could’ve said something, _anything_.”

“I know, I should’ve.” Even pushed a hand through his hair and rested their foreheads together. “I’m sorry, Isak. I fucked up, big time, but it’s over now. When I got your text tonight it was like a slap in the face. I told Sonja to stop being so dramatic and I ran over here as quickly as I could. I’m sorry.”

“I mean, maybe it’s a sign,” Isak said, scooting back and away from Even again. He couldn’t meet his eyes as he spoke. “Our relationship, if you can call it that, has been one problem after another. Maybe this is one that the universe fucked up on.”

“Don’t say that,” Even begged. His voice broke, and Isak couldn’t stop himself from looking up. Even looked absolutely destroyed. There was such sadness in his eyes that Isak immediately felt bad for suggesting they weren’t right for each other. Even didn’t try to reach out for him again, though. It was like he was already pulling away. Already doing what he thought Isak wanted—what _Isak_ thought he wanted. “Give it time, please. I can be better. I’ll get better.”

Isak’s heart broke. He felt like such a dick, and he wished he could take the words back. He reached out, pulling Even into his arms and hugging him tightly. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. You’re fine, Even. You don’t have to change.”

“Don’t leave,” Even said weakly.

“I won’t,” he responded, pulling away just enough that he could look into Even’s eyes. “I’m not letting you go again.”


	8. The Man of My Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry for the wait. I won't bore you with excuses, but I am sorry. To make up for it as best I can, the last three chapters of this story will post over the next three days. Thanks for sticking with me, and I hope you enjoy.

**SATURDAY**

When Isak woke up, Even was gone. He blinked his eyes open slowly, expecting to find him lying next to him. His heart dropped when he saw he wasn’t there. Isak sat up slowly, clutching his comforter, and reached out to feel the pillow Even had been using. It was cold. He’d been gone for a while. Isak kicked himself for expecting anything different.

He checked his phone, hopeful that something came up and Even would at least have an excuse for ditching, but he had no messages. With a sigh, Isak climbed out of bed. His stomach was grumbling, and he wanted coffee. He pulled a t-shirt over his head, but felt too lazy to bother to pull sweatpants on over his boxers. It wasn’t like he had anyone to impress.

When Isak opened the door to his bedroom, he was welcomed with laughter. Laughter, and light. He squinted into the hallway, noticing that the colours on the walls seemed brighter than usual. He stumbled his way down the hallway as his eyes adjusted, but froze in the doorway to the kitchen.

Even was standing at the stove, cooking, while Isak’s parents sat at the kitchen table. His brain stopped functioning, their banter going in one ear and out the other as his thoughts shifted into a mantra of _fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck._ It took a second for anyone to notice him, but when Even did he smiled so brightly that all Isak’s thoughts stopped.

Even dropped what he was doing and walked over to him, pressing a kiss firmly to his lips before Isak could even realize what was happening. He was too shocked to respond, staring at Even with wide eyes as he started talking about all the food he’d made.

Isak’s eyes shifted to his parents. His mom’s eyes seemed brighter than usual. Actually, looking at them, everything about them seemed brighter. His dad’s tie was more blue than Isak remembered, and his mom’s dress was a brighter yellow than anything she usually wore. They were smiling at him, but Isak couldn’t even get himself to move.

“We’re going to a museum this afternoon,” his mom said sweetly, standing up and placing their dishes in the dishwasher. “Even is more than welcome to stay for dinner, though. We should be back around six.”

Isak didn’t respond. The words were caught in his throat as he watched his parents say their goodbyes to his soulmate. He expected… he didn’t know what he expected, actually. Not this… nonchalance, though. His mom paused before him, gently brushing his hair off his forehead. “Even seems lovely,” she said softly. “I can’t wait for you to tell me more about him.”

Isak watched her go, still a little dazed and confused. Apparently his parents knew now. Even had outed Isak, intentionally or not. While he was glad his parents had taken the news well, he wasn’t sure how he felt about Even breaking his promise to wait until Isak was ready.

“I hope you’re hungry,” Even said as Isak moved into the kitchen, hoisting himself onto the countertop as he watched Even cook. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I just made everything.” He turned, spatula in hand, and told Isak to taste his scrambled eggs. They were good—much better than when Isak made them.

He studied Even, staring at the back of his head as he worried his bottom lip between his teeth. “I thought you’d left,” Isak said after a moment. “I woke up this morning, and you were gone.”

“Hey,” Even turned to him, raising his eyebrows as he came to stand between Isak’s legs. He reached up to stroke his cheek. “I was just here cooking and chatting with your parents. They’re very lovely.”

“Yeah, about that…” Isak said, ducking his head. “I thought you were okay waiting to tell them until I was ready?”

“I’m sorry,” Even said, pressing a kiss to each of his cheeks. “I didn’t mean to. I ran into your mother coming out of the bathroom this morning. I said I was just a friend, but she quite sternly told me not to lie to her.”

Isak chuckled. “Yeah, that sounds like her.”

“I’m sorry,” Even repeated, pressing their foreheads together.

“It’s okay. They were going to find out eventually.”

Even pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before turning back to the stove. Isak watched him for a beat before quietly, nervously, asking, “Does Sonja know you’re here?”

“It’s none of her business,” Even said darkly. “We’re not together anymore.”

“Right,” Isak nodded, feeling the bitterness rising in his throat as he thought about seeing Even and Sonja at Emma’s party. “But the last time you said that you were hooking up with her again within two days. I can’t just not give a fuck about her, Even.”

“I know that,” Even said, still not looking at him, “but you’ve got to understand one thing about Sonja: she likes to be in control. She makes me feel like she knows me better than I know myself. Makes me feel like I’m not feeling what I think I feel because it’s not what she wants. She twists everything to suit her. Even though I told her that I found my soulmate, she twisted it to make it into something it wasn’t. She made me feel like I couldn’t feel what I do for you, because it wasn’t what she wanted.”

“Only you can feel what you feel,” Isak said softly. Even looked at him, finally, his eyes even brighter than usual as the seriousness in his face melted away and was replaced by one of his blinding smiles. He turned off the stove and moved back over to Isak, gently grabbing his hips. Isak liked being taller than him for once, and leaned forward to lean his forehead against Even’s.

“I’ve never felt anything quite like this,” Even breathed against his lips, “ever.”

“Neither have I,” Isak replied, feeling lost in Even’s gaze. He pressed forward, capturing Even’s lips and letting himself melt into it. The desperation from the night before was all gone. Their kisses now were full of reassurance. The promise that they wouldn’t let go of one another anymore; that they were in this together.

Even pulled away, just enough that they could hold each others’ gaze. Isak just wanted more kisses. More reassurance that Even was finally his, that Sonja wouldn’t come between them anymore. He leaned forward, asking for more, but Even tilted his head to the side. “Oh my god, this song, though!” he said happily, pulling even farther out of Isak’s grasp as he moved to turn the radio up.

When the sounds of 5 Fine Frøkner filled his kitchen, Isak couldn’t help but groan. “You’ve got to be joking.”

“You don’t like Gabrielle?”

“You _do_?” Isak laughed. “What happened to your good music taste? What happened to Nas?”

“Gabrielle is the pop sensation of our generation, Isak.”

“This is such a fucking hashtag.” Isak chuckled.

“What is?”

“When you’ve found the man of your dreams and it turns out he likes Gabrielle.”

“Am I the man of your dreams?” Even asked, looking way too happy for such a simple statement.

“You’re my soulmate, moron.”

Even moved closer again, grabbing Isak’s hips a bit more roughly this time as he pulled him closer. He kissed Isak, just a peck before he pulled away. “Say it again.”

“You’re the man of my dreams,” Isak breathed, pulling him closer with a hand in his hair. Even crashed their lips together, and Isak could feel him smiling. He was shifting side to side, still trying to dance to the god-awful music. Isak really wanted Even to just hold still and kiss him, but instead the taller boy pulled away completely so he could actually dance.

“It’s such _shit_ ,” Isak spit, a little annoyed that Gabrielle was holding Even’s attention better than his kisses. Still, he couldn’t help but sway to the music a little. Even looked so happy, and the music had a beat that basically hypnotized you to dance, which only made Even happier.

“You’re dancing, you like it!”

“I do not,” Isak said bitterly, stilling his movements. Even just smiled, and starting mouthing the words of the chorus to him. Isak reached for him again, pulling him closer by his hips and trying to kiss him even as Even squirmed in his grasp. He was such a dork, but Isak couldn’t stop smiling.

When the song finally ended, Even stopped dancing and succumbed to Isak’s increasingly insistent kisses. He wrapped his arms around Isak’s waist, tugging him forward until he was barely sitting on the counter and there was no space between them. Isak looped his arms around Even’s neck, tangling his fingers in Even’s hair and moaning into the kiss.

Even trailed kisses down his neck, biting and sucking the skin just below his jaw until Isak was sure he had a couple dark hickies littering his pale skin. He wanted to keep going, wanted _more,_ but Even pulled away and out of his grasp, leaving Isak cold and flustered with a rather obvious problem in his boxers. Even smiled at the sight, but didn’t move back into Isak’s grasp, even as he pouted.

“I made you a delicious breakfast,” he said innocently, “and we are letting it go cold.” Isak wanted to argue, but Even flashed a mischievous grin. “We’ve got all day to pick up where we left off.”

Isak groaned, but didn’t argue. He _was_ hungry, and the breakfast Even prepared smelled delicious. So he hopped off the counter and let Even fill a plate with food for him.

* * *

Even insisted they needed to watch a movie after breakfast, because “Movies are my life, Isak. My _passion_. It hurts me that you consider Batman more intriguing than _The Shining_.” Isak hadn’t put up that much of a fight, really. The idea of spending the day curled up against Even as they watched movies sounded pretty damn good. Until Even suggested they watch _Romeo + Juliet_ and Isak had to admit that, yes, he actually _had_ seen that one.

“You?” Even asked. “ _You’ve_ seen _Romeo + Juliet_? Willingly?”

“Yeah.”

“Not for class?”

“No.”

“Well, always full of surprises, aren’t you?”  Even chuckled. “Why’d you decide to watch it?”

Isak dropped his gaze to the floor, shifting uncomfortably as his cheeks burned with embarrassment. “I, uh. I might’ve seen that video your friend did where he interviewed you. I was curious.”

“Oh my god,” Even smiled, throwing his head back as he laughed. “You Googled me, didn’t you?”

“Oh, shut up.”

“That’s adorable,” Even cooed, moving closer and tilting Isak’s head up so he could kiss him. “You’re adorable.”

“Fuck you.”

“Maybe later.”

They ended up watching _A Clockwork Orange_. Even said it was a cinematic masterpiece, and it was directed by the same dude who did _The Shining_. Isak had a lot of trouble trying to follow the film. He’d always thought his English was pretty good, but the whole thing was in some weird mashup of English and… German, maybe? Even kept saying that it started making sense after a while, but the confusion just got worse as the movie progressed.

Isak didn’t mind, though. Even had an arm around his shoulders, holding Isak close to his chest as he talked excitedly about the film and all the different things that made the cinematography so incredibly interesting. Isak found himself watching Even more than the movie. Watching the way his eyes lit up when he got particularly excited about something.

He couldn’t help but feel that, maybe, they’d finally reached the point that they could just be together. No more problems, no more fights, just… them. Together. Isak felt like he was maybe even ready to go ahead and tell everyone. If not just so he could finally stop hiding how he felt about Even in public. He just wanted to move past all the shit they put each other through. It was the start of a new chapter, _their_ chapter, and he would be damned if he let a little social nervousness get in the way of that.

* * *

Even stayed for dinner, which was a little surprising. Even more surprising, was how nervous Even looked seated at the end of the table, across from Isak’s dad. Isak was pretty sure he’d never seen Even look so unsure of himself, and it was kind of endearing. It was also a little awkward. No one said anything for the first couple minutes, and Isak wasn’t sure how to break the silence.

Luckily, his mother did a great job of taking care of that.

“So, when did you two connect?” she asked cheerily. Isak tried not to blush, avoiding everyone’s eye contact. “C’mon, Isak. How’d it happen?”

He shrugged. “We saw each other in the cafeteria on the first day of school.”

“The first day of school?” she tsked. “That was so long ago.”

“The beginning of our relationship was complicated,” Even said, before Isak could come up with an excuse. “It was a little daunting, for the both of us. To find out who our soulmate was _and_ that we were the same gender all at the same time. We both needed a little while to come to terms with it all.”

Isak was grateful that Even adjusted their story, but he felt even worse for rejecting him in the first place. His mother looked a little sad, too, but there was a sense of understanding in her eyes. Isak was glad that this was a pro-soulmate period for her. Having her call the concept out as bullshit now would’ve hurt. He would never say it aloud, but Isak knew he needed her support. Both his parent’s support.

“What year are you?” his dad asked sternly.

“Three, sir.”

“And what are you doing after graduation?”

“I’m hoping to go to school for film, specifically cinematography.”

Isak’s dad raised an eyebrow. “Is that so? And what do you want to do with that?”

“Ideally I would love to make films. Really bright films, lots of colours. And tragedy,” Even said, shooting a smile Isak’s direction. “Can’t have a good story without a little tragedy.”

Isak smiled back hesitantly, still a little unsure of the whole situation. He didn’t say much as they ate. Because he knew it wasn’t always going to be like this. There were going to be days were Isak’s mother would see Even and tell him to get the fuck out of their house before he hurt Isak. There were going to be days where she said that they _couldn’t_ be soulmates because they were both boys, and God said that was wrong. It was okay now, but Isak knew that things could, and would, get worse.

Still, Even was a complete gentleman. He answered all the questions thrown his way, and when they’d finished eating he’d firmly grabbed Isak’s hand under the table. It was comforting, and Isak felt himself relax into the touch—the tension in his shoulders releasing for the first time since they all sat down together.

Even offered to help clear the table and put the dishes into the dishwasher, but Isak’s mum firmly refused him and sent them both to Isak’s room to ‘have some time to themselves,’ like they hadn’t been doing exactly that all day.

Still, once his door was firmly shut behind him, Isak felt himself deflate. He leaned against the door, watching as Even took a seat on his bed, a smile still dancing on his lips. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he asked.

“I guess not, but I’m still glad it’s over,” Isak replied. He moved towards Even, placing his hands gently around Even’s shoulders as he straddled him. Even’s hands moved to his hips, holding Isak in position as they leaned their foreheads together. Isak pressed a chaste kiss to Even’s lips. “Thank you for doing that.”

“I’d do anything for you.”

 

**TUESDAY**

As Isak sat in biology, he could barely focus. It was his favourite subject, but _fuck_ his head hurt. And he was pretty sure there was something wrong with his eyes, because everything was just so fucking bright—way too bright. It was getting progressively worse, too. Ever since the weekend, things had been getting gradually brighter and it was getting to the point that he was starting to wonder if it’d be appropriate to wear sunglasses indoors.

He could feel Sana watching him, and as soon as their teacher told them it was time for group work, she turned to him with a concerned expression. “Are you alright? You look kind of constipated.”

“Yeah.” He rubbed at his eyes. “Just got a really bad headache. It’s really bright in here today.”

“No, Isak,” Sana said slowly, “it’s not.”

“Oh.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes—no? I don’t know.”

“Maybe you should go see the nurse,” Sana suggested, but Isak shook his head quickly.

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” Sana was still looking at him apprehensively, so Isak pulled his textbook out. “Let’s just work on this, yeah? We need to get you up to that 5.”

Sana still looked unsure, but she dropped the subject. Isak tried to ignore his headache, instead focusing on the fact that he had plans with Even later. They were going to study at Isak’s house, which probably meant they were going to get high and make out. Which Isak was definitely excited for. Now that they were actually together, and the shit around their relationship had been all sorted out, Isak wanted to spend as much time with Even as possible. He wanted to bask in the fact that he’d found his soulmate, and that his soulmate was lovely.  

 

**THURSDAY**

“Oh, c’mon Isak,” Jonas whined. “Just come for pizza with us. You’re not going to go over 10% by missing one class.”

“Yeah, but I don’t _want_ to miss this class. I actually want to get good grades, yeah?”

“Man when did you get so lame?” Magnus asked. Isak responded by, very maturely, sticking his tongue out at him.

“Whatever, I still have more game than you ever will and I’m gay,” he threw out, to a chorus of _ooh_ ’s from Mahdi and Jonas. “Plus, I’ve got a seriously awful headache today.”

“Right, right,” Jonas said, rolling his eyes. “It’s chill if you don’t want to come, your loss bro.”

“No, seriously. I’ve barely been able to focus all day it hurts like a motherfucker.”

“Maybe you should go see the nurse?”

“Maybe.” Before they could say any more, Isak caught sight of Even walking up the stairs. He couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face at the sight of him. The guys fell silent as Even approached, a slight awkwardness in the air probably caused by the fact that Isak had given them very little information on what had happened after they left on Friday.

And the fact that they’d never actually met him—at least not directly.

“Hey, guys,” Even said. He stood across from Isak, keeping his distance like he was supposed to. He didn’t expect it to hurt to not have Even stand by his side, even though it was _Isak’s_ fault he didn’t. Because as far as Even was concerned, Isak still didn’t want people knowing about them. As far as Even was concerned, Isak was still embarrassed.

Isak thought it was about time for that to change, so after Even had finished introducing himself to everyone Isak took a step forward and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. It was barely anything, but Even’s smile when he pulled back was still blinding. Isak leaned back against the wall with a shy smile, trying to ignore the stunned silence he’d caused.

Then, out of nowhere Magnus piped up. “Fuck, you’re _Even_ ,” he said, smacking a hand against his forehead. “Fuck, I didn’t even think—sorry. Hi! How’re you, hi!”

Even chuckled, eyes darting to Isak momentarily before focusing back on Magnus, who was still talking. “You’re the guy that Isak chucked us out for, right? His soulmate?”

“I didn’t throw you out,” Isak grumbled. “You were going to a party.”

“Yeah, bro, _with you_!” Mahdi laughed. “Fuck, Even, you should’ve seen him. ‘Even’s here, get out!’ it was hilarious.”

“You were going to a party!” Isak repeated.

“That you were supposed to come to,” Jonas reiterated. Even was chuckling, and Isak couldn’t help the embarrassed blush that was rapidly heating up his face. God, Even probably thought he was desperate or some shit now.

Then, out of nowhere Even smirked and said, “Yeah, but it’s probably for the best that you guys weren’t there.”

Everyone fell silent, all eyes darting between Isak and Even as the meaning behind the words started to make sense to everyone. Isak felt himself go redder, and Even’s smirk got wider. Then everyone started laughing and clapping Isak on the back. “About time you got some!” Magnus teased.

Isak rolled his eyes. “Weren’t you guys going for pizza?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jonas nodded, once again stepping in as Isak’s saving grace. “I’m starved, let’s go.”

He watched everyone shake Even’s hand again with a small smile. He was glad that they all seemed to approve—that no one was giving him any shit for having his soulmate be a guy. Once they were gone, Even raised his eyebrows at Isak. “You kissed me.”

“I’m tired of hiding you.”

Even smiled wider than ever before, and Isak’s head pounded. Everything was so fucking _bright_. But he smiled back, pushing the pain down and away and focusing on Even’s happiness instead. He crowded into Isak’s space, backing him into the wall and pressing a needy kiss to his lips. Isak’s hands looped around his neck instinctively, pulling him Even closer as he moaned into the taller boy’s mouth. It took all Isak’s willpower to tear his lips away. “I really do have to go to class.”

“Okay,” Even said. He pressed one more kiss to Isak’s lips before heading in the direction of his own class. “You’re so _fucking_ hot, Isak.”

He couldn’t help but smile as he watched Even leave.

 

**FRIDAY**

 

**Even ❤**

6:30

Meet me at Kaffebrenneriet right after school?

I think it’s about time I took my soulmate on a date.

7:45

I’ll be there (:

 

Isak stared down at his phone, seated in the coffeeshop window after school. Even was late—but he often was, so Isak wasn’t overly concerned. He couldn’t stop reading the words, though. _I think it’s about time I took my soulmate on a date_. If you would’ve told Isak that such a simple sentence would bring him so much joy a year ago, he wouldn’t have believed you. But fuck, did Even ever make him happy.

Even now, with his headache still pounding behind his eyes, he couldn’t help but feel elated. Hell, the idea of going on a date with Even made it a little easier to ignore that he even _had_ the headache still—he could worry about it properly tomorrow. Today, he was going to enjoy his date with his soulmate.

Tapping on the window shocked Isak out of his thoughts. Even was standing on the other side, smiling his incredibly bright smile and offering Isak a small wave. Then, he breathed heavily on the window and drew a heart with their initials inside. Isak rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop smiling even if he wanted to.

He dumped his coffee in the trash and met Even outside, not even flinching when the taller boy leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to his lips. He laced his fingers through Even’s and leaned into him, just a bit, as he let himself be led away from the coffeeshop. “Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

* * *

They were at a hotel. Not a dingy, little hotel like the ones people in high school got when they wanted to hook up, but a _nice_ fucking hotel in the middle of Oslo. If Even wouldn’t have had a firm grip on Isak’s hand, he would’ve stopped in his tracks at the sight of it. Instead, he let himself be dragged inside and tried to focus on not looking around with his mouth hanging open.

Even sauntered over to the counter like he did this all the time, and Isak had no choice but to follow. “Hello!”

The lady behind the desk smiled her customer service smile. “Hello, how can I help you?”

“We have a reservation under Even Bech Næsheim?” Isak tried not to be too shocked at the information that this was planned—and actually happening—as he stood at the counter next to Even and watched the concierge search for the reservation. He didn’t even _want_ to know how much this was going to cost Even.

He tried to pay attention as they discussed the fact that she was Danish, but his head was hurting and he was confused, and there was an uneasiness settling in his chest that Isak was desperately trying not to think about. He just wanted to be alone with Even, and he wished she would hurry up. When Even pulled him closer with an arm around his shoulders, Isak melted into the touch.

“This is my soulmate,” Even said simply, like it was no big deal. Isak’s heart jumped at the words—at the idea of telling a stranger that.

“How nice,” she answered, smiling as she glanced between the two of them.

“It’s very nice. Isn’t he handsome?” Even asked, and Isak felt himself blush again as he adamantly avoided making eye contact with her. It was embarrassing, but also flattering. He couldn’t help but smile brighter even as his cheeks reddened.

“Handsome?” she asked, clearly amused by Even’s antics.

“Hm, how do you say it in Danish?” He started going through words that were slightly familiar to Isak, though still different enough that he wasn’t exactly sure what was going on. Then, out of no where, Even said in English, “ _Isn’t this man beautiful?_ ”

Isak blushed again, and laughed. The incredibly polite woman behind the counter just nodded in agreement. “Yes, very,” she said, and handed Even the key card.

“Very beautiful,” Even repeated as they walked towards the elevators, arm still firmly around Isak’s shoulders.

His heart was pounding as they stepped into the glass elevator, and Isak wasn’t really sure why. It was Even—it wasn’t like this was the first time he was ever going to (presumably) spend the night with him, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be the last.

But they were in a hotel—and they just kept going up. And Even was holding him close and kissing him and Isak didn’t want to be anywhere else at that moment. At that moment he couldn’t believe that Even was his and that he’d get to spend the rest of his life with the older boy.

And they were in a _hotel_. Isak’s heartbeat quickened at the ideas that popped into his mind at what that meant. Because it didn’t necessarily mean that they were going to actually have sex for the first time. That was just a stereotype. But it didn’t stop the excited nerves from dancing around in Isak’s stomach as the elevator continued to climb.

When the elevator finally stopped on their floor, Even detangled himself from Isak’s embrace, taking his hand instead and pulling him down the hall with one of the widest smiles Isak had ever seen. They kept going until the reached the end of the hall and—“A fucking _suite_ , Even?” he gasped. “This is too much, that’s too much money.”

Even brushed his fingers over Isak’s cheek, the softest ghost of a touch that had Isak leaning in for more. “It’s not too much. Nothing is too much for you, you deserve the sun and the stars. Besides,” he said, kissing Isak firmly, “it’s already paid for.”

Isak didn’t argue anymore, letting Even turn around and unlock the door before following him inside. He didn’t try to hide his awe at the room. He’d barely ever stayed in a hotel before, never mind a fucking _suite._ He walked over to the giant windows, staring out at the breathtaking view they had being so far up. Oslo looked more beautiful than Isak ever thought he’d seen it before.

Even joined him at the window, hands ghosting up Isak’s arms and gently tugging the backpack off his shoulders. Isak let him take it, hearing it hit the ground with a _thud_ before Even’s arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him close as his breath danced across Isak’s neck. He started to press gentle kisses to the side of his neck, just under Isak’s ear, as he continued tugging off layers. When Isak was left with nothing but a T-shirt, he turned around in Even’s grasp so he could kiss him properly.

He drank Even in, their kisses heated and messy as Isak threaded his fingers through Even’s hair, tugging gently as he moaned into the taller boy’s mouth. Even’s fingers were dancing along the hem of his shirt, and Isak moaned again as he started pulling it up, inch by inch.

They parted enough for Even to pull the shirt over Isak’s head, taking the opportunity to catch their breaths. Isak leaned forward for another kiss, but Even leaned further back. He cupped Isak’s face gently, thumbs stroking his cheekbones as he stared into Isak’s eyes. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

“Me?” Isak asked. “Look at yourself. When I first saw you, before you met my eyes, I couldn’t look away. You were… you were so much _more_ than anyone I’d ever seen before.”

“I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you,” Even said breathlessly, and then they were kissing again. It was less desperate, but no less heated. Isak’s hands were roaming all over Even—he couldn’t get enough, he just wanted to _touch_. Before long they were both standing in front of the window in nothing but their jeans. Even started leading him over to the bed, and Isak’s heart jumped.

He let himself be lowered onto the mattress, so slowly and gently. Even broke their kiss, starting to kiss and bite his way down Isak’s torso as his hands worked on undoing Isak’s jeans. Isak moaned as Even pulled his jeans and boxers off in one swift motion. Even kissed and nipped his way back up Isak’s chest, capturing his lips as his hand wrapped firmly around Isak’s cock. He moaned into the kiss, arching up off the bed and into Even’s touch.

“More,” he breathed into Even’s mouth. “Please, I want _more_ , Even. I want _you_.”

“Are you sure, baby?” Even said. “It’s a big step, we don’t have to do that. I didn’t bring you here expecting that.”

“I know,” Isak said simply, brushing his hands through Even’s hair and pulling him down for a much softer kiss. “I know, but I want to. I trust you.”

Even didn’t answer, but when he kissed Isak again all the things he needed to say were there. Isak pushed at Even’s pants, his brain too cloudy to really be bothered with the button and zipper himself, but Even got the point. In moments, his jeans joined Isak’s on the floor. Even broke the kiss and left the bed. Left the _room_. Isak pushed himself onto his elbows, frowning as he watched Even’s receding figure. Before he had the chance to complain, Even returned with a bottle of lube and a pack of condoms.

Isak’s eyebrows shot up at the sight. “I thought that wasn’t your intention in bringing me here?”

“It wasn’t,” Even said, dropping the items on the bed next to Isak before returning to his position between Isak’s legs. “But I knew it was a possibility and wanted to be prepared. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

“You’d never hurt me,” Isak said quietly. “I trust you.”

Even smiled, and captured his lips again. His hands started migrating slowly down Isak’s body, dancing over his chest and hips until they reached his thighs. Even nudged them up and apart, and Isak tried not to feel embarrassed about how exposed he felt. When he heard the distinctive _snap_ of the lube opening, he jumped. Even broke their kiss to look at him, eyes filled with concern. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes,” Isak breathed. “Yes, Even. I want you, I trust you, and I’m ready. Please.”

Even nodded and kissed him again. Isak tried not to think too much about what was going to happen. He tried to focus on Even’s lips against his, and how wonderful and familiar it was. But still, when Even’s fingers ghosted over his entrance, Isak flinched. “I’m fine,” he said, before Even could ask again. “Just… go slow.”

Even nodded again, but this time he kissed his way down Isak’s neck, sucking a mark into his collarbone as he gently pressed a single digit into Isak’s hole. It was uncomfortable—it _hurt_ —but Isak knew that the he would adjust. At least, that’s what Google said. He forced himself to relax, to focus on Even’s lips on his neck, and after a couple moments it started to feel okay. Slowly, Even started to move. It was more weird than anything at first, but Isak found himself adjusting.

Then, Even twisted his finger, curling it and—“ _Fuck_ , Even!” Isak shouted, arching off the bed as his eyes went wide with pleasure.

He felt rather than saw Even smirk against his skin, and he just kept hitting that same spot that made Isak see stars. Slowly, almost painfully slowly at times, he added another finger, and then another. It wasn’t long before Isak was panting and moaning and, well, basically begging.

“Even, _please_ ,” he breathed, fingers clawing at Even’s back as his fingers pumped in and out in a steady rhythm, hitting that same spot every other time. “Please, I’m ready. I want _you_.”

“You’re sure?” Even asked for what felt like the millionth time.

“Yes I’m fucking sure,” Isak hissed. “Just—just fuck me goddamnit.”

“So romantic,” Even teased, but he sounded breathless too. When he removed his fingers, Isak moaned at the absence. Even started whispering onto his skin, kissing and biting and distracting him as he slipped a condom on. He paused at Isak’s entrance, staring into his eyes and waiting. “Just breathe, and tell me if you need me to stop.”

“I will,” Isak said, voice barely above a whisper. Even pushed in, just a little at a time, and Isak scrunched up his face in pain. He grabbed at Even’s shoulders and tried to remember to relax, but _fuck_ , it hurt. It hurt a lot. When Even was fully inside he stopped and let Isak adjust. He wrapped a hand around Isak’s cock, pumping slowly as he littered his face with kisses. After a while, Isak pulled him down for a searing kiss. “I’m okay, move.”

It still felt weird, at first, but the more Even moved, the more Isak got used to it. Then he hit that spot again, and Isak arched high off the bed as he tugged roughly on Even’s hair. He panted as Even gradually increased his pace, hitting the same spot over and over, reducing Isak to nothing but breathy moans and pleas.

It wasn’t long before he felt himself tipping over the edge, coming into Even’s hand and onto their stomachs and his hands clenched and unclenched in Even’s hair. He felt Even starting to pull away—pull out—and Isak grabbed his hips firmly. “What are you doing?”

“It’s okay, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not hurting me,” Isak insisted. “Please, I want you to feel good, too.”

“Oh, baby,” Even said, kissing him desperately, “I do. I feel so good.”

“Then keep going.”

Even hesitated for another breath, before he started moving slowly again. It felt weird—not necessarily bad, but weird. It wasn’t long before Even came too, burying his face in Isak’s neck as his movements stilled. Even pulled out, falling down heavily onto the bed next to Isak as they both struggled to catch their breath.

Isak curled into his side, wrapping an arm around Even’s middle and humming contently when Even started drawing patters on his back. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

“For what?”

“I don’t know, for everything.” He didn’t hear Even’s response, eyes drooping closed as he felt himself drift off to sleep with the sounds of Even’s heartbeat in his ear.

* * *

“How many Isaks and Evens do you think are lying like this right now, do you think?” Even asked at some point in the middle of the night, a little after Isak woke up from his nap. They were still wrapped around each other, and Even was still drawing patterns on his skin. Isak had never felt so content in his life.

“Infinite.”

* * *

Isak woke up again to find Even gone. He could hear him moving around the suite, but he had no idea what he was doing. “Don’t you ever sleep?” he groaned, not bothering to open his eyes.

Isak felt the bed dip, and then Even was pressing a wet kiss to his cheek. “How can I sleep when you’re lying here looking so fucking hot?”

Isak couldn’t stop himself from smiling if he tried.

* * *

Even was still doing something—he still didn’t know what—and honestly Isak just wanted to cuddle. Cuddle, and sleep. “Baby,” he whined, “come lie down with me.”

“I’m just going to go buy us some McDonalds first,” he heard Even say. Isak was about to complain when he realized—what? It had to be past midnight. He sat up groggily, just in time to see Even leaving the suite. Naked.

Isak was out of bed in seconds, pulling the comforter around him as he hurried to the door. But by the time he stuck his head out and called Even’s name, the taller boy was long gone. “Fuck,” Isak hissed, hurrying to get himself dressed and grab all Even’s clothes. “What the fuck.”

He ran down the hallway of the hotel, impatiently pressing the down button for the elevator as he tried to figure out what the fuck was happening—but everything was _so fucking bright_ and it was making his head pound and he just wanted Even to come back and say that he was just kidding and he would never leave the hotel at midnight completely naked.

He ran through the streets of Oslo without a real purpose, desperately calling for Even and feeling more and more panicked by the minute. His head hurt and he was so confused and hurt and Isak didn’t know what to do. So he called his mom.

“Isak?” she asked, picking up on the second ring and sounding incredibly worried. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Even,” Isak said. “He… we were in a hotel—he rented us a hotel room for the night and everything was going amazing and then he just… he ran out naked, mama, and I don’t know where he is and everything is so _bright_ and my head hurts so much and you have to help me, please, I don’t—”

“Isak,” his mom interrupted. “It’s okay, Isak. It’ll be okay. Where are you? We’re going to come pick you up.”

“No, I have to find Even!”

“It’s okay, Isak. We’ll find him,” she soothed. “It’ll be okay. Just tell me where you are, baby.”

Isak told her the names of the closest two streets and hung up. Then, he sat himself down on a park bench and waited. After a moment, his phone started buzzing again with an unknown number. Isak picked it up and hesitantly said, “Hello?”

A female voice answered. “Hello, is this Isak?”

“Yes, who… who’s this?”

“This is Even’s mom,” the voice said. “I… I just got a call from the police station. They have Even, they said he was talking about buying you both McDonalds.”

“He just… he left. Naked,” Isak said slowly. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”

“Oh honey. He didn’t tell you, did he?” she asked softly, not waiting for Isak to ask her what the fuck she was talking about before she kept talking. “Even is bipolar. This is… he’s having a manic episode. He’s not really supposed to drink or smoke, it probably just messed with his meds a little bit.”

“I don’t… I don’t understand.”

“It’s okay, Isak. It’ll be okay, he just isn’t himself right now,” she explained. “If you want, I can explain it to you better tomorrow, but I have to go get him right now.”

“Is he—I mean, is he going to be okay?”

“He’ll be fine. He just needs to readjust his meds again,” she assured him. “It’s nothing you did Isak. I promise.”

He wanted to believe her, he did, but Isak had no fucking clue to what think. He had no idea what was going on. All he knew was that Even wasn’t well, and that the night that was supposed to be perfect and special and _important_ was nothing but a… a manic episode. Even wasn’t himself. Isak had just given his first time to a stranger.


	9. It Will Pass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter, hope you enjoy. (:

**SATURDAY**

Isak still didn’t know what was going on. He couldn’t figure out why Even wouldn’t tell him something as big as being _bipolar_. His mom and dad had shown up not long after Even’s mom hung up. Isak had felt numb—staring at the phone in his hands as if it would give him answers to any of the billion questions running through his mind. He hadn’t realized he was crying until his mother wiped the tears from his cheeks and pulled him close.

By the time they got home it was just after two in the morning. Isak walked through their house without really registering anything, flopping onto the bed with a heavy sigh. He didn’t know how many hours passed of him just sitting there—staring at his ceiling and wondering how such a good night turned to such… such fucking _shit?_

At some point, he fell into an exhausted sleep, not waking up until there was a quiet, but persistent knocking at his door. Isak didn’t bother opening his eyes, groaning out a _go away_ and rolling onto his other side. The person on the other side of the door didn’t go away, instead they pushed his door open and made their way into his room.

“Hey, bro. Your mom called me and told me what happened.” Isak expected it to be his mom, maybe even his dad, so when Jonas’ familiar voice filled the room, his eyes snapped open. He opened his mouth to respond, but the words caught in his throat when Isak’s eyes adjusted to his room. Something was wrong— _very_ wrong.

Isak sat up quickly and looked around. The colours he’d gotten so used to seeing in his room were different. They were muted and dark, almost closer to the greys Isak had spent the first 16 years of his life seeing than the colours they were supposed to be. Jonas noticed the panic in his eyes, and moved to sit on his bed. “Isak, what’s wrong?”

“I—I don’t… There’s…” he stared at his friend, and instead of seeing the familiar browns of his hair and green of his eyes, everything looked barely a shade off grey. “It’s all so dark. Everything is so _dark_.”

“Isak, what are you talking about?” he asked, concern lacing his features.

“The colours, Jonas!” Isak said desperately. “They’re dark, I don’t—What’s going on? Why are they dark?”

Jonas didn’t say anything. He just ran to Isak’s door and called for his mom. Isak’s parents were there in moments, looking more worried than Isak had seen them in years, questions already falling from their lips. He explained it to them as best as he could, despite not knowing what was going on himself. Then, his father left the room with a phone pressed to his ear. Isak supposed that he was calling a doctor.

He squeezed his eyes shut and let his mother gently brush her fingers through his hair. He didn’t want to see it anymore—he didn’t want to think about what it _meant._ After a while, Isak’s dad came back. He forced his eyes open, staring through the muted colours and waiting for an explanation.

“It’s okay,” his dad said. “You’re okay. It’s… it has to do with Even being bipolar.”

Isak couldn’t speak. He could barely process what his dad was saying as he explained that Even’s episodes effected the way Isak saw colour—when he was manic, the colours would get brighter, but when he crashed, they would get darker. It explained why the days leading up to the hotel had been so bright, but it also meant that Even wasn’t okay right now. Isak didn’t know what to think, or feel.

“I… I need some time alone, please,” he said quietly. “I need to figure out what’s going on.”

Jonas looked like he wanted to argue, but Isak’s parents pulled him gently from the room. For a while, Isak just sat there. He just continued to stare at his wall, where he’d pinned Even’s drawings. He tried to figure out if he was upset, or angry, or… or whatever.

After a while, he pulled his laptop onto the bed and typed _bipolar_ into Google. He opened the Wikipedia page first, despite the echoes of past teachers telling him that it wasn’t a ‘reliable source.’ He read the page, and then scrolled to the top and read it again. It was so much information—and some of it was frankly really terrifying. If anything, the article just brought up more questions. Even’s mom said he was medicated, but the article said if he was then he should be _having_ episodes.

Then Isak remembered that Even’s mom had said he wasn’t supposed to be drinking or smoking. The article said that stuff like that could mess with the effects of his medication, and Isak couldn’t help but wonder—was it _his_ fault Even had an episode? Was it because Isak went to parties and smoked and drank? Did Even feel like he had to do it too?

The only comfort he got from reading was the reassurance that, yes, soulmates of people with bipolar disorder would experience fluctuations in brightness when episodes happened. The more he read about the crash after a manic episode, though, the more Isak worried. Because there, in big bold letters, was _depression._

He didn’t want to think about Even, who’d always been so bright and happy, being depressed. But he also still felt hurt—hurt that Even didn’t tell him, and hurt that what was supposed to be a special moment between them was taken away from him. It hurt knowing that he’d never get that memory back, and despite knowing that it wasn’t something Even could control, he felt a little angry.

He slammed the laptop shut and threw it to the end of the bed before curling up into his blankets. There, Isak let himself cry. He let himself _sob_. He let all the emotions that had been piling up since the previous night flood to the surface.

And when he got a text notification from Even, he ignored it and turned his phone off.

 

**TUESDAY**

His mother made him go to school on Tuesday. She let him have Sunday and Monday to wallow in the bubble of self-pity he’d started to form around himself, but on Tuesday morning she had stormed into his room and insisted that he go to school and see his friends. She also heavily suggested he send Even a message, but Isak ignored that. He wasn’t ready to talk to Even yet.

He moved through his day in a haze, and thanks to the muted colours he was still seeing it felt like there was a literal cloud surrounding his vision. He could barely focus in class. His thoughts were on Even, and the night that they had spent together, and how _shitty_ it was not seeing everything in the vibrance he was used to, and how much _shittier_ it was knowing that it was nothing compared to what Even had to be feeling in that moment.

He knew he would have to talk to Even eventually. Hell, he _wanted_ to talk to Even, he wanted to know he was okay, but Isak also knew that there was too high a chance that he could say something wrong and make it worse.

Because he’d remembered something on Sunday, something he’d said to Even.

_I think life is too short to try and deal with mentally ill people._

The more he thought about everything, the more Isak felt like it was his fault Even had an episode, _his_ fault that Even was now sitting at home trying to recover from his crash. It was just another thing holding Isak back from contacting him. Guilt.

When he found Jonas and Mahdi at lunch, Isak didn’t even try to pretend to be happy. He barely mumbled a hello as he sat down, and didn’t look up as Mahdi excused himself to go get lunch. He could feel Jonas’ eyes on him, but Isak didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t answered any of Jonas’ texts over the weekend. He hadn’t answered _anyone’s_ texts over the weekend.

“You weren’t at school yesterday,” Jonas says slowly, cautiously. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Isak admits. “I… I feel… I don’t know. Down, I guess.”

“Because Even is bipolar?”

Before Isak could answer, Magnus dropped down next to them. “Who’s bipolar? My mom’s bipolar.”

“She is?” Isak asked.

“Yeah, she’s fucking awesome. You’ve met her, haven’t you?”

Isak frowned, thinking about it. He had met Magnus’ mom, but she’d seemed completely normal. “Yeah, I think I have. She just… she seemed so normal.”

“She’s completely normal,” Magnus said. “She just has moments where she’s really depressed, or stoked. But most of the time, she’s just like everyone else. Why, what were you guys talking about?”

“Even,” Isak said quietly. “He’s bipolar too. He went outside in the middle of the night completely naked.”

Magnus snorted. “What? That’s hilarious!”

“It’s not funny,” Isak said, frowning.

“No, but it’s—it’s like _comical._ After, at least.” He told a story about his mom writing a letter to NSB and Isak couldn’t help but wonder how he was so chill about everything. Then, “Where is Even now?”

Isak shrugged. “I don’t know. At home, I guess.”

“Not physically. Where’s he at mentally?”

“Oh,” he mumbled. “But I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him.”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t know. Everything’s just kind of fucked up. It’s all been bullshit on his part.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He’s been manic,” Isak said, sounding a little desperate as he tried to explain what was going on.

“Isak, seriously?” Magnus asked. “You know that’s not true. Have your colours been super bright and saturated the whole time you’ve known him?”

“No, but… his mom said he wasn’t himself.”

“Yeah, right then. He wasn’t himself when he was running through the streets naked. That doesn’t mean that he was manic the whole time.” Magnus rolled his eyes, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe that they were having this conversation. “Sometimes for a smart kid you can be fucking dumb.”

“Excuse me?

“He’s your soulmate, Isak,” Magnus said slowly. “And instead of being there for him through this, you’re sitting here worrying about whether or not what he felt for you is real. He’s not brain-dead just because he had a manic episode, and I bet you anything he feels like shit right now knowing that you had to find out like this.”

“You’re actually pretty cool, Mags,” Jonas said.

“Yeah, you’re only figuring that out now?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks, Jonas. You’re pretty cool yourself.”

Isak tuned them out. He felt even shitter. And naïve. And Even was hurting and he wasn’t there.

 

**WEDNESDAY**

Isak stared down at the phone in his hands like it’d morally wronged him. He knew he needed to call Even, that he _should’ve_ called Even yesterday when Magnus gave him the wake-up call, but nervousness had been sitting in his stomach like a sickness. The colours were still dim, and when Isak realized that they seemed even dimmer than the day before he knew that he had to just get it over with and call.

He hit the call button and lifted the phone to his ear, heart pounding faster with each ring. When it finally went to voicemail, Isak felt like his heart stopped. He hung up without leaving a message and tried to keep his emotions in check. Even wasn’t answering. Even didn’t want to talk to him. Isak had fucked up.

 

**THURSDAY**

Isak tried calling Even again, multiple times throughout the day. He never picked up. Isak tried texting, sending quiet apologies and wishing, _wishing_ , he was less of a fuck-up. He wanted Even to answer, wanted to know that he was alright. Especially because the colours weren’t getting any brighter. He had no energy, or desire, to do anything except sit in bed and stare at the ceiling as sleep continued to escape him.

Quiet knocking on his door brought him out of his thoughts. He didn’t bother to sit up as the door opened. Only dragging his gaze down when he felt his bed dip and his mother’s hand in his hair. “How are you doing?”

“Even wont answer,” Isak said sadly. “I screwed everything up, and I can’t fix it because he won’t answer.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” she answered sadly. “But it _will_ get better. You just need to give him time.”

“But it’s _not_ getting better. The colours aren’t getting brighter, mama, and I’m scared.”

“I won’t pretend to know what it’s like to experience that, but you know he’s okay. He’s with his family, and he’s safe. He’ll be okay.”

“But will he ever want to see me again?”

“Yes, honey,” she pressed a kiss to his forehead. “And I’m sure he wouldn’t like to see you laying here doing nothing.”

“I don’t _want_ to do anything.”

“I know, but you’ve got to get up. You’ve got to keep living because that’s what Even would want.” He wanted to argue, but didn’t. Isak knew that it would be useless in the end. “There’s a Christmas concert tomorrow at the church and I would really like for you to come. It’s just a couple hours, and I think it’ll be good for you to get out of the house.”

“Okay,” Isak said. He didn’t want to go, it was probably the last thing he wanted to do, but he was too tired to argue. She smiled sadly at him, kissed his forehead one more time, and left the room.

Isak felt like shit.

 

**FRIDAY**

Isak followed his parents into the church, less than pleased to be there. He knew his mother had only the best intentions, but the last place he wanted to be at that moment was a damn church. He was pretty sure some of the people around them would look at him and Even with disdain and judgement, and that wasn’t fucking fair.

Still, he sat with his parents and listened to an admittedly nice version of _O Helga Natt._ He tried to put a smile on his face so his mother would stop fretting, even as his whole world felt like it was stagnant. Everything was dim, and everything fucking hurt, and Isak just wanted to go back to the time before Even’s episode and before he made things even worse by being selfish and stupid.

Half way through the performance, Isak got a text. He knew that his mother would likely frown at him for checking it, but Isak had to. He had to know if it was Even. So he pulled it out, just enough to see the name on the notification, and when he saw Even’s name his heart stopped. He pulled the phone out quickly and read the message with a growing sense of dread.

 

**Even ❤**

20:45

Dear Isak. I am now sitting at the place where we met each other for the first time and I’m thinking about you. Soon it’ll be 21:21. I want to tell you a thousand things. Sorry for scaring you. Sorry for hurting you. Sorry for not telling you that I am bipolar. I was afraid of losing you. I’d forgotten that it’s not possible to lose someone, that all people are alone anyway. In a different place in the universe we are together for all eternity, remember that. Love you. Even.

 

Isak felt like he could barely breathe. His chest was tight, and his heart beating wildly as he read the words for a second time. They sounded… they sounded bad. He knew that he had to go—had to hope that the place Even was talking about was the school and that he would stick around long enough for Isak to get there.

“I have to go,” he whispered to his mom. “I’m sorry, mama. But it’s Even. He... he doesn’t sound okay and I think he’s at the school. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered back. “Go, be safe. Text me if you aren’t coming home.”

Isak nodded numbly and scooted his way through the pew. He focused on keeping himself calm and not pulling too much attention to the fact he was leaving, but once the cold air of the night hit his face, Isak broke into a sprint.

He ran through the streets, ignoring the looks from pedestrians and trying to avoid getting hit by any cars in his frantic hurry. As he ran, memories flooded his vision. Memories of Even laughing, and smiling, and the good times they had together. Of every kiss, and every touch. Every time Even made him feel safe and loved and _happy,_ so truly happy for the first time in a long time. Isak just wanted to see him again—to make sure he was going to be okay even if Even never wanted to see him again afterwards.

When he finally arrived at the school, he stared at the bench on which they had their first conversation, heart dropping into his stomach when he realized Even wasn’t there. He was too late, and god knows where Even was. If he was okay. The colours were at their darkest and Isak wanted to scream in frustration.

And then the doors to the school opened, and his heart surged with hope. He looked towards the entrance, and sure enough Even was walking out. He was wearing even more layers than usual, and looked… well, he looked sad. Isak just stood there, facing him frozen and unsure of what to do. When Even finally looked up and saw Isak, he froze. It was like he couldn’t believe that Isak was there, and that just wasn’t okay.

Isak started walking to him, slowly to make sure that Even wasn’t going to run in the opposite direction. When he started walking towards Isak, too, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. He surged forward, steps getting faster as the urge to hold Even, to make sure he was okay, got stronger.

Once he was close enough, Isak reached for Even’s hands. He kept stepping forward, right into Even’s space. Isak wanted to kiss him, but he didn’t know if it was okay. So he leaned their foreheads together instead, ghosting his lips across Even’s and marvelling at how wonderful it felt to have Even’s breath dance across his lips. He tilted his head to the side, brushing a kiss to each of Even’s cheeks.

He just wanted to hold him, to tell him how sorry he was and never let go again. He let go of Even’s hands so he could reach up and cup his face, backing away enough that he could study Even’s face. He tried to convey so much through his gaze—so many things he didn’t know how to say. He tried not to focus on how sad Even’s own eyes looked.

“You’re not alone,” Isak breathed, trying to sound as sincere as possible. He stroked Even’s cheek with his thumb, aware of just how much he’d missed the touch in such a short time apart. He moved forward slowly, tilting his head up so Even knew what he planned to do. So Even would have enough time to stop him, if he wanted to.

Even didn’t pull away, though. He moved forward, and when Isak pressed his lips lightly to Even’s, Even kissed back. It was short, and chaste, especially compared to the last kisses that they had shared. But it was perfect. When he pulled away, Isak felt like he could _breathe_ again. Because Even was there, and he didn’t completely hate Isak, and maybe they could be okay.

He wrapped his arms firmly around Even’s neck, hugging him tightly and trying not to cry because he _knew_ that crying would only make Even feel worse. But, fuck, it felt so good to be back in the older boy’s arms. Especially when Even finally hugged him back, holding onto Isak just as tightly as they stood there together.

“Come back to my house,” Isak breathed, too scared to speak above a whisper, “please.”

Even didn’t say anything. He just nodded. Isak pulled away, but stayed close. He reached down again, slipping his hand back into Even’s and lacing their fingers together. He pressed a gentle kiss to Even’s cheek again, and then started leading him home. Isak knew without a doubt he wasn’t going to let go any time soon.

* * *

When they got back to Isak’s house, he led Even straight to his room. He started to remove Even’s many layers, sliding each off his shoulders slowly without taking eyes off Even’s. When he’d removed everything but Even’s T-shirt and jeans, he stopped. Isak reached up, brushing his fingers through Even’s hair tenderly.

“Why don’t you get into something more comfortable?” Isak asked softly. “You can borrow some sweats from me.” Even didn’t say anything. He just nodded. He looked so _sad_. “Do you want some tea? Something to eat?” Even shook his head. Isak nodded slowly. “Okay. I’m going to go call my mom and let her know you’re staying, okay?” Isak paused, his hand on the doorknob to his room. “You are going to stay, right?”

Even studied him for a minute, still not saying anything. And then he nodded, and Isak felt some of the tension melt from his shoulders. He offered a small smile, and then ducked out of the room and dialed his mom’s number. She answered almost immediately.

“Isak? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, mama. I found him, and I… I brought him home. Is that okay?”

“Of course, honey. He can stay as long as he wants to. Just make sure his mom knows, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you, mama.”

“Of course,” she said. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Isak replied, and then he hung up the phone. He stepped back in the room to find Even sitting on the end of his bed, staring blankly at the floor. He’d changed into a pair of Isak’s sweats, but kept his same T-shirt on.

Isak sat down next to him, leaving a little space between them. Then he said, “I’m sorry.” Even turned to him with a confused expression, but he didn’t say anything so Isak continued. “I… when you… I should’ve never ignored your texts. I should’ve never shut you out. I am so sorry, Even. I didn’t know what I was feeling, or what was going on, but it doesn’t excuse shutting you out. I was… I was scared,” he admitted.

“I was scared, and I was stupid. I let myself fabricate all this stuff about how you felt, when I should’ve just _asked_ you how you felt. I told you once that only you can feel what you feel, and yet I did the same thing Sonja did. I’m sorry.”

“I should’ve told you,” Even said weakly. “I hurt you. I scared you. I’m broken, you deserve better than me.”

“No, you’re not broken. You’re bipolar, and that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I don’t deserve better than you,” Isak said, wrapping an arm around Even’s shoulders and pulling him close. “I love you, and I want to be with you forever. You’re my soulmate.”

“I hurt you,” Even said again.

“And I hurt you.” Isak kissed his shoulder, then his cheek. “And we’ll talk about it later, when you feel better.”

“That could be a while.”

“I don’t care. I’ll always wait for you,” Isak said firmly. “C’mon, let’s lie down.”

They crawled under Isak’s comforter, Even curling into Isak’s side. Isak took a deep breath, and tried to steady his own emotions as he held Even. He kept telling himself that it was okay. They would be okay. He continued to hold Even, waiting for his breath to even out—waiting until he knew Even had drifted to sleep. It was only then that Isak let himself succumb to his own exhaustions.

They were going to be okay.


End file.
